Finally Fucking Friday

Enjoy!

The Lazy Post That Still Might Make You Wet

I don't have time for a well thought out post today or tomorrow for that matter. I've also got some stuff rolling around in my head that I'm just not ready to talk about. I know you are disappointed and that makes me sad. I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

Hey, how about some super sexy hot sexyness? That totally makes you feel better right? Whether you are into boobs or bulging bicepts this has it all. Enjoy.



Damn I love this show. If you aren't watching it, why the hell not?

Making good choices

As a parent, one of my primary duties it to teach the Things how to make good decisions. Unfortunately it's not always easy for them, or for me.

My favorite comedian, Stephen Lynch, is in Milwaukee next weekend. I desperately wanted to go but my entertainment budget would not allow it. Last night I got a phone call from LawnBoy saying he had scored tickets and wanted to take me, JustAsFriends. And let me tell you, I was so damn excited. WooHoo, all I needed to do was convince my mom to watch the Things and I was set.

When I mentioned the tickets to Ex he gave me the AreYouOutOfYourFuckingMind look. And as he repeated the situation back to me, slowly, so my giddy woohoo saturated brain could comprehend, I realized he might be right. LawnBoy has not had much success with JustAsFriends in the past. Going to Milwaukee for the show was probably not a good idea (or quite possibly a very bad idea). I don't want to give LawnBoy mixed signals. That's not fair to him. And the last thing I want to do is make Buffett uncomfortable. So, I made up my mind not to go.

A little later I pulled into Buffett's driveway and reality smacked me upside the head. Even if Ex hadn't said a word, despite the fact that it really would have been nothing, I just couldn't do that to Buffett. As I was getting ready to leave Buffett's house I discovered a text from LawnBoy saying that if I changed my mind he had reserved a hotel room with a jacuzzi. OMG and HolyCrap!

So, I'm definitely not going and that's OK. I still have YouTube.

NOT WORK SAFE PEOPLE!

Wordless Wednesday- The inappropriate

I'm kind of embarassed by how hard this made me laugh. Thank you Thumper!

Wordless Wednesday - Subliminally Speaking

This was sent to me by one of my bestest girlies. She's the one who gave me the rusty vagina tool for my birthday. Damn I love that woman!

Days of Grace: 41 - A weekend to remember

1. Date night wherein I actually had him all to myself. No children, parents, brothers, sisters, neighbors, crowds of drunken people.


2. Conversation that never seemed to end. There was too much to say and share until we didn't really want to talk anymore.


3. Hanging from a ladder with a chain saw and Thing2 who made sure I didn't fall and cut my leg off. You can actually see my house from the road now. And the sunlight reaches my windows. Hooray for sunlight.


4. The lake - boat - cliff diving - tubing - wake boarding - games - food - beer - sunset - sunrise - amazing friends.


5. Sitting at a picnic table with the wind coming off the lake and a live band playing. Everyone relaxing with a beer. Then he grabbed my hand and pulled me up to dance with him. No one else was dancing. I got to be THAT girl.


6. Being completely unable to settle on a name for him because every aspect is that great.


7. HappyHourSue who made my crabby exhausted ass giggle this morning with:

(If you can't see the video, try THIS link)

French Bulldog Can't Roll Over - watch more funny videos

A do-over of sorts

Some of you later-comers (which is better than premature comers. I think.) have complained that YouTube took down the video from this post. Well have no fear, the internet is a wonderful thing and I am your goddess of odd cartoon porn.


EMBED-OH MY GOD! WATCH. - Watch more free videos

Happy Friday Y'all

Wordless Wednesday

Because I don't have the words right now, Go HERE and HERE.

I prefer the wolf

Have you seen the new trailer for the Twilight sequel New Moon?
http://www.mtv.com/ontv/movieawards/2009/


Hell yes I'm excited. And for the record, I prefer Jake. Hot nature loving wolfman. Mmmm!

Seriously people, think about it!

I stole this from BeGayAboutIt (but it's on Youtube so it's technically not stealing and I really don't think she'll mind). Go read her. She's poignant and honest and makes me want to be a better person.



Now really all you "traditional" marriage people. THINK before you open your trap and vote.

Wordless Wednesday Night

Days of Grace: 35 (Music Edition)

These are the songs that make me pause for just a minute everytime they pop up on my play list.

1. I love her sound. She is simply amazing. And her songs always seem to stroke a nerve for me.
2. Both of them - fantastic. But this pairing and this song. Takes me a bit surprise every time and I just have to stop...
3. How can you contain your inner diva when this comes on? You can't I say. Can't.
4. Mantra!
5. Because it's summer and this song is light and fluffy and makes me SMILE.

MomStyle? Is that like a personality profile?

And just this morning I was told that I have a "Wicked" sense of humor.
That's good, right?



T-Mobile Mom to Mom Quiz: "

Take the fun, Mom to Mom quiz and discover your parenting style.

"

One of them will stand up and fight...

I took the day off today to put my house back together after having the wood floors redone. Unfortunately when I got home this morning I discovered that they are still wet in spots. I'm putting up fans to help. Of course, the ground is also too wet to be working in the yard... a whole day wasted? Too much time to think...



I believe this. I believe it with every ounce of my being.


**On a happier note, my laptop should be delivered tomorrow. So this is an open warning to the FedEx man: I just might kiss you!

The rumble between my thighs

I had such a great weekend and there will be stories and PICTURES to come. But for now you get bullet points because I have something much more important to share with you. In other words, you've got to make it through boring bullet points to get to the good stuff. And by good I mean, so deliciously bad I'm bound to get at least a few hate emails out of it, good. You ready? Here we go.

• There is something inherently sexy about riding a motorcycle and I'm pretty much positive it has everything to do with the vibrating.
• Sooner or later we're going to have to talk about Them. --- Them? you ask. Humor me damnit. Yes, Them - The Bad Kissers *duhn duhn duuuuh*
• Coffee always tastes better at the farmer's market
• Picture the high school football team running through a paper banner at the beginning of their game. Now picture that giant paper banner sporting a picture of Buddy Christ. - The quarterback giving him a high five as he runs through to greet the fans. Awesome, but I'm not sure that's what the sweet little catechism boys had in mind.
• Flowers flowers flowers.
• Cheesy teen vampire movies with my favorite girl.
• Cookie Dough
• Lions and tigers and bears - oh my!
• Did he just take a picture of my ass?
• Photoshop magic
• Kisses that literally made my legs feel like jello... and I don't usually like jello!

And now for the goods. This is what you've been waiting for.
First, watch this:

Stolen from Metallia. You should thank her. This is a much better topic of conversation than my love affair with good vibrations, drooly puppy kisses and bone-melting/ knee-weakening other kisses.



Did you watch it the whole way through? Yes, the snake thing is weird. The choice of models was... odd. But the foot scrubber... Christ on a cracker did you see it?



Alright, let's break this down step by step.


1. It's apparently very dangerous to reach your neck.






2. The only time I make that face in the shower is when I'm spending quality time with the jets of my shower head... errr... or when I pulled a muscle trying to touch my shoulders, yeah, definitely then.






3. Reaching your bottom is several inches from you shoulders that's super complicated!





4. OK, here's where I have to get serious.



If you cannot reach between your legs then there are issues that must be discussed. For example, how the hell do you wipe your ass? This is a hygiene thing. Are there flushable versions of this thing because there's no way in hell I'm reusing that.







5. If you go to this spot in the clip, it's like she's caressing the thing with much more on her mind than just washing her back. Of course, this takes me right back to #4 and maybe this isn't such a bad idea after all. The friction... things that make you go hmmm.







6. Then they immediately shift gears on me.



I need more warning when we're changing the tone. I was mentally halfway to happy town when I saw this woman sniffing a wash cloth rotting meat. No really, it looks like a bad piece of pork steak. Hey lady, you're not suppose to wash with that. No wonder you are in pain after a soak in the tub. Your rubbing botulism on your lady parts.







7. Then of course we get sexual again.



I know you see it. Don't play coy with me. That's a representation of a woman's love canal and you know it.
So this...




this....





this...




Dear God, how'd we skip fisting and end up here?



Go on, scroll back up and watch it again. I know you want to.
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Lazy Thursday

I've got stuff going on but I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about it. There's good stuff. There's plain old everyday life stuff. And of course, there's crappy stuff. All in all, I'm good. No need to worry.

But just so y'all don't feel neglected, I thought I'd let you enjoy some dating crazy of your own:



____________________________________

On repeat

This isn't a meant to speak to my exes. It's meant to speak to me.

It's time:



____________________________________

Pulling me out of the depths of my craptastic day

Steph, you are my own personal angel and this heavenly gift has saved me.



Amen.

____________________________________

Ummm... I'm really sorry?

OK, I might have mentioned a time or 9 that I'm going to be an Auntie again very soon. Very soon as in 2 weeks very soon. Women get crazy when they are pregnant. Crazy! All. Women. CRAZY.

I'm going to borrow just a little of that justification for myself today and blame the following on my own OMG-A-BABY-IS-COMING-and-it-doesn't-have-to-claw-out-of-my-hooha-OMG-A-BABY craziness.

For MyHope. I love you more than words.


*** This horrific visual train wreck was discovered while hanging out here. Go say hi to Kristy. She's preggo-crazy too. <3

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Apologetics - not so much

I believe in God. I know some of you might be shocked by that. I can be rather flippant and irreverent here. Personally, I think God has a fantastic sense of humor. After all, he created mine, right? This post, however, should not be blamed on God. Whether thought provoking or complete gibberish, this whole thing can all be blamed on Aimee's son Declan and his Church of Suspenders. And for the record, I would totally go to that church.

I wanted to be a pastor for many years (until I ran face first into church politics and fuck that hurt) but I do not practise Apologetics* and I am not a bible literalist. My faith is very much a part of who I am, the way I behave, the choices I make; for good or bad. My children and I talk about faith and God and the way we live our lives all the time.

Some things I believe:

• I don't have all the answers
• Everyone should be respected, no matter what they believe (or don't believe)
• A person's belief should be based on their own exploration and decisions,
  not based on what Mom and Dad told them they have to believe.
• Wine is a gift from God and should be enjoyed often (this one might be my favorite)
  

Thing1 is going to youth group with a friend tonight who attends a Christian/Jewish church. I think that is a very cool concept and I totally want to hear what they have to say. I want to go! I wasn't invited. Tomorrow, he'll share with me and I'll learn something. I can't wait!

...
Crap, the phone rang and now I have no idea where I was going with this post. I doubt the shiny things distraction will work two days in a row. How about this:

Declan, this boys needs to be saved-


*Apologetics -n. (used with a sing. verb)
1. The branch of theology that is concerned with defending or proving the truth of Christian doctrines.
2. Formal argumentation in defense of something, such as a position or system.