This is the post in which I talk very briefly about Sex and the City and perhaps make you throw up a little in your mouth.
NO MOVIE SPOILERS, I wouldn’t do that to you.
A little background: Do you remember the SATC episode where the girls are at brunch and they are discussing Kegel exercises? Samantha says “I’m doing mine right now.” If you haven’t seen it or just don’t remember, that’s ok. You know that you’ve sat around a table talking about vagina exercises before and during that conversation you gave yourself a squeeze or two just because. Go with that…
Now a little scenery description: I’m sitting at an upscale bar drinking a cosmo and waiting for my girlfriend to join me. The bar is on the roof of a movie theatre. The bar is packed full of women all dressed up and excited to see the SATC movie. There are kitten heels and cleavage everywhere!
And finally, the story which probably isn’t as good as all the build up, or maybe you’ve already left me because there was too much build up. Have you left me?: In walks my girlfriend with a shoe box sized gift under her arm. She says it’s a late birthday present. I’m a little embarrassed because I didn’t get her a gift this year. We stopped doing gifts a while ago. All flustered and still a little excited because WHEEEE A PRESENT I told her that she didn’t have to do that. To which she responds, “Oh, don’t worry about it. I got it at St Vincent’s for $1.50.”
And this is what was under the wrapping paper:
Yes, internet loverlies, my friend bought me used vagina exercise equipment.
It even came with an instruction manual with diagrams, a vagina log so I can track my tightness progress AND…
I know the picture is blurry so you are going to have to trust me. It’s rusty.
In the middle of a crowded bar my very dear friend has presented me with a rusty vagina tool.
But we’re not done yet. Remember the size of the box? Too big to hide in my purse or tuck discreetly under my arm. I swear to you, every woman in the bar that walked past our table stopped and said, “I’m doing mine right now” and I believed them.
It was without a doubt the best present I have ever gotten.
While trying to find the SATC clip I referred to earlier, I stumbled across this:
Upon noticing the box, Thing1 informed me that I am much too old for Kegels to be of any use.
Anyone looking to buy a Thing? 12 years of programming complete. Cleans bathrooms and mows the lawn with minimal nagging. Teen Attitude built in.