After listening to several friends and half the blogosphere telling me that I should probably not sit around pining away for SM, but instead get out and live my fucking life, OMG, I did it. Yesterday morning I agreed to go out on a date with the TextingGuy. We have plans for Friday night. (That's tomorrow for all you calandarly challenged peeps.)
24 hours later (this morning to be exact) Thing1 is asking me what the giant mark is on my neck. Oh wait, not one mark but 3 scattered across my neck and collar bone. And so, with a killer hang over, I got my sorry ass ready for work and attempted to explain to my son what a hickey was. Yes, that mother of the year award is being engraved with my name on it right now!
Then, while driving to work it dawned on me. I have a hickey (or 3). A very obvious and unhidable hickey on my neck and a first date tomorrow night. I'm classy y'all, damn classy. I'm kind of hoping TextingGuy needs to reschedule... or cancel. Why the hell did I let you all talk me into this? I blame you, internet!
What the hell am I supposed to do now? Anyone know of a way to make them fade? Fast?
**Update - He had to cancel for tomorrow. WHEW!
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Wordless Wednesday - Only not really
This is what I have finally decided I want as my second tattoo. It's a Phoenix. Not a manly sharp edgy Phoenix but a soft curvy but strong Phoenix. A Bursting into flames and then rising out of the ashes in glorious beauty Phoenix - only to do it again and again and again Phoenix. A crash and burn and pick your sorry ass up and start over Phoenix.
Unfortunately, the picture is small. I'd like it to be a little bit bigger but when I blow it up it gets all blurry. I want it on my hip, with a vine wrapped around it that is descending from the other tattoo on my back (Picasso's dove with an olive branch). So, it's still a work in progress. I am not an artist and until I get this figured out the tattoo will have to wait. I suppose that is OK since I'm supposed to go with my friend Laura who isn't allowed to get a tattoo until a certain amount of time after her surgery this summer. It took me years to figure out what I wanted for my first tattoo. It had to have some kind of meaning for me. It does. This one will too.
Are any of you all bad-ass sketchy? Got ideas for me? I'll send pictures of my current tattoo to give you a better idea of where I'm coming from. HELP!
**** Also, I'm starting my detox tomorrow. I'm nervous. What if my ass shoots flames? My dog's hair might catch on fire. And while that might seem like a lovely tribute the the late Michael, I'm just not into bald dogs. Bald men? Check. Bald Pussy? Check. Bald Poop Eating Puppies? Not so much.
I haven't heard anything yet. Is anyone out there going to do this weight loss thing with me? Please don't make me do it alone. I don't want to be the only one talking about my fat smokin hot ass and my saggy toned and gorgeous under arms.
Monday, June 29, 2009
You should probably take this post with a grain of salt
Very important disclaimer: I am PMSing.
Nuff said right? Right!
But first let me explain that I swear to Buddha that I almost never PMS that bad. I can get a little out of sorts but I'm not the poster child for BitchesRUS nor am I generally an overly weepy woman, even when the hormones kick into high gear. But this month, dear god, this month I am a mother fucking mess. It started mild, rather normal while on vacation. MyHope and her wonderful hubby will be grateful that the moody weepy stressed out beyond recognition train didn't crash into my uterus until about 8:00 last night. This morning I was a freaking mess! So, as I ramble just a little below, please cut me some slack. I'm emooootionaaal.
I recently wrote a post about how I'm not pathetic. HA! But really, I haven't felt overly pathetic. Not too much anyway. But since the conversation with my dear dear friend, I've had to consider that option more. OK, so not really pathetic but more... ummm... hmmm, I don't know if they have a word for it. The point is that even though he has told me that I'm "amazing" it was a "but" statement. "You are amazing but..." blah blah, don't know what I want blah. Which sure as fuck doesn't make me feel amazing. In fact, it does the exact opposite.
I met someone a while ago and we've been email and text friends. Nothing going on. But we were developing a great friendship. The texts sort got more frequent and intense while I was away. HE treated me like I was actually amazing. It didn't dawn on me until this evening that being amazing in your own head isn't all it's cracked up to be but when I know I'm amazing and someone treats me that way, well, validation is grand people. Simply grand.
Truth be told, I don't know where I'm at emotionally. But I do know that I deserve to be treated like I'm special and important and wanted. He, the texting guy, has treated me that way and it has felt wonderful. To feel desirable again, rather than begging for time with someone. I'm all about fighting for a relationship but if SM is done then I'm simply fighting with myself and that hurts. Every day it feels like SM pulls farther and farther away from me. I see tiny glimmers of him acting like he might enjoy time together but I'm always the one asking. And his response is generally luke warm at this point. When we are together the chemistry is always there, even if nothing happens, but there's a good chance I need to wake up and realize I'm just being used for chemistry. I don't know. I just don't know. Arrggghh!
So, my question is, when is enough, enough? When do I decide my heart can't handle being "amazing, but" anymore and let go?
Nuff said right? Right!
But first let me explain that I swear to Buddha that I almost never PMS that bad. I can get a little out of sorts but I'm not the poster child for BitchesRUS nor am I generally an overly weepy woman, even when the hormones kick into high gear. But this month, dear god, this month I am a mother fucking mess. It started mild, rather normal while on vacation. MyHope and her wonderful hubby will be grateful that the moody weepy stressed out beyond recognition train didn't crash into my uterus until about 8:00 last night. This morning I was a freaking mess! So, as I ramble just a little below, please cut me some slack. I'm emooootionaaal.
I recently wrote a post about how I'm not pathetic. HA! But really, I haven't felt overly pathetic. Not too much anyway. But since the conversation with my dear dear friend, I've had to consider that option more. OK, so not really pathetic but more... ummm... hmmm, I don't know if they have a word for it. The point is that even though he has told me that I'm "amazing" it was a "but" statement. "You are amazing but..." blah blah, don't know what I want blah. Which sure as fuck doesn't make me feel amazing. In fact, it does the exact opposite.
I met someone a while ago and we've been email and text friends. Nothing going on. But we were developing a great friendship. The texts sort got more frequent and intense while I was away. HE treated me like I was actually amazing. It didn't dawn on me until this evening that being amazing in your own head isn't all it's cracked up to be but when I know I'm amazing and someone treats me that way, well, validation is grand people. Simply grand.
Truth be told, I don't know where I'm at emotionally. But I do know that I deserve to be treated like I'm special and important and wanted. He, the texting guy, has treated me that way and it has felt wonderful. To feel desirable again, rather than begging for time with someone. I'm all about fighting for a relationship but if SM is done then I'm simply fighting with myself and that hurts. Every day it feels like SM pulls farther and farther away from me. I see tiny glimmers of him acting like he might enjoy time together but I'm always the one asking. And his response is generally luke warm at this point. When we are together the chemistry is always there, even if nothing happens, but there's a good chance I need to wake up and realize I'm just being used for chemistry. I don't know. I just don't know. Arrggghh!
So, my question is, when is enough, enough? When do I decide my heart can't handle being "amazing, but" anymore and let go?
Friday, June 26, 2009
The party is almost over
I have 2 full days of vacation left, followed by one full day of travel and then it's back to the grind stone. My grindstone includes work, children, and not eating 2 desserts at every freaking meal! MyHope asked me if there was anywhere I wanted to go while in AZ. My first and only answer was Sweet Tomatoes! I love that place. Considering I live smack dab in the middle of farmland, it amazes me that the greater Madison area does not have a "salad" restaurant. Other than the wonderful people I've been spending my time with, it is probably the only thing I truly regret leaving behind when me moved across country, the glorious all-you-can-eat salad bar. However, just to be completely honest here, what I look forward to even more is the Brownie Muffins topped with hot fudge, granola and ice cream. I love it so much that I had it twice. Twice during each visit! Why yes, I am on vacation. I am eating whatever the hell I want, thankyouverymuch!
But, the vacation is almost over and so it's time for me to start thinking about the 2 extra inches I've added to my ass in the past 7 days. I'm mentally preparing and I have a plan.
Here's the deal. My lovely wonderful amazing gorgeous friend Amy is a distributor of a line of health and beauty products that I'm going to try and talk about it here. ARBONNE is the company. FIGURE8 is the weight loss line. Check them out.
I'm going to spend one week doing the detox thing. I've never done detox before. It makes me excited and nervous, kind of like jumping out of an airplane... something I've always wanted to try but am too much of a chicken shit to really do. Well, I'm a chicken shit no more. Although, I'm concerned that the detox might make me shit uncontrollably. I have no idea what to expect from this and that makes me nervous. Any of you out there ever done a detox program (and no, I don't mean that one stint at Betty Ford!).
After the detox, there's a two month program with recommended healthy meals and some supplements. It's all laid out for me. I don't have to think too much about it and that I like.
Would any of you care to join me?
If you are anything like me, you need some time to build up courage for an endeavour like this. So, think about it a little bit. Check out the websites. Email me with any questions and we'll talk more about it in a day or two.
*** Or if you are nothing like me and immediately think What the hell, let's do this, bitches! Then you can order at ARBONNE's website. You can even use my ID number. 18292597. This gives me some kind of credit but I'm really not sure for what. I just know that it's supposed to make it easier for you.
*** Also, if you are wondering about their skin care stuff, I haven't used a lot of it but I'm in love with the body gellee. Mmmm, nice.
But, the vacation is almost over and so it's time for me to start thinking about the 2 extra inches I've added to my ass in the past 7 days. I'm mentally preparing and I have a plan.
Here's the deal. My lovely wonderful amazing gorgeous friend Amy is a distributor of a line of health and beauty products that I'm going to try and talk about it here. ARBONNE is the company. FIGURE8 is the weight loss line. Check them out.
I'm going to spend one week doing the detox thing. I've never done detox before. It makes me excited and nervous, kind of like jumping out of an airplane... something I've always wanted to try but am too much of a chicken shit to really do. Well, I'm a chicken shit no more. Although, I'm concerned that the detox might make me shit uncontrollably. I have no idea what to expect from this and that makes me nervous. Any of you out there ever done a detox program (and no, I don't mean that one stint at Betty Ford!).
After the detox, there's a two month program with recommended healthy meals and some supplements. It's all laid out for me. I don't have to think too much about it and that I like.
Would any of you care to join me?
If you are anything like me, you need some time to build up courage for an endeavour like this. So, think about it a little bit. Check out the websites. Email me with any questions and we'll talk more about it in a day or two.
*** Or if you are nothing like me and immediately think What the hell, let's do this, bitches! Then you can order at ARBONNE's website. You can even use my ID number. 18292597. This gives me some kind of credit but I'm really not sure for what. I just know that it's supposed to make it easier for you.
*** Also, if you are wondering about their skin care stuff, I haven't used a lot of it but I'm in love with the body gellee. Mmmm, nice.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Oh No He Didn't!?!
I've posted a lot of posts today. If you get through this one and have any desire to keep reading, I promise that the rest, that I wrote earlier, are actually funny and not as angry pissy bitchy as this one.
My dear dear friend called to figure out our plans for the day...
And before we had anything decided he started on a tirade about Ex. No, not his ex, MY Ex. I know it was intended to be one of those I am your friend and always on your side therefore he is an ass tirades. But I interrupted him several times to dispute his assumptions and to remind him that Ex is still one of my very best friends - Who is one of the best damn fathers to walk this planet - Then he finally got the hint.
Rather than finishing up discussing our plans, he decided to find a new target. SM. Umm, no. Just stop. Stop right now. I've said before and I'll say it again. No one knows what a relationship is really like unless they are one of the two in it. AND, my dear dear friend had no idea what he was talking about. I was getting madder by the second as he kept on with his unfair judgements and so on. Finally, I was done listening to it and arguing with him. I told him that the topic was officially off limits. He was offended. Our plans were cancelled.
While I understand that my dear dear friend was just trying to be on my side and supportive and all that, it has been years. Years! since we were truly close. He knows only the tiniest snippets about my life. Just what I've been able and willing to share over the past 2 days.
In all honesty, I'm probably not the easiest woman in the world to love. I'm well aware of my short comings. I'm selfish and vain and more than a little bit crazy. I flip flop back and forth between sloth-like laziness and mad Must-Do-This-NOW compulsiveness. My attention span is that of a gnat until my head gets ahold of something that it Will. Not. Let. Go. Of.
Yes, I am not the total ray of sunshine that you all believe me to be. But despite all those faults, one good quality I have in spades is Devotion. If I care about someone, you better step the fuck off because I will own your ass for saying bad things about them or hurting them. End. Of. Discussion.
And so, now I wonder how long I should wait to let my dear dear friend get over feeling like I tore him a new asshole (because I kind of sort of did) before I call him to remind him that I do in fact luv him tons and would defend him in the very same way.
My dear dear friend called to figure out our plans for the day...
And before we had anything decided he started on a tirade about Ex. No, not his ex, MY Ex. I know it was intended to be one of those I am your friend and always on your side therefore he is an ass tirades. But I interrupted him several times to dispute his assumptions and to remind him that Ex is still one of my very best friends - Who is one of the best damn fathers to walk this planet - Then he finally got the hint.
Rather than finishing up discussing our plans, he decided to find a new target. SM. Umm, no. Just stop. Stop right now. I've said before and I'll say it again. No one knows what a relationship is really like unless they are one of the two in it. AND, my dear dear friend had no idea what he was talking about. I was getting madder by the second as he kept on with his unfair judgements and so on. Finally, I was done listening to it and arguing with him. I told him that the topic was officially off limits. He was offended. Our plans were cancelled.
While I understand that my dear dear friend was just trying to be on my side and supportive and all that, it has been years. Years! since we were truly close. He knows only the tiniest snippets about my life. Just what I've been able and willing to share over the past 2 days.
In all honesty, I'm probably not the easiest woman in the world to love. I'm well aware of my short comings. I'm selfish and vain and more than a little bit crazy. I flip flop back and forth between sloth-like laziness and mad Must-Do-This-NOW compulsiveness. My attention span is that of a gnat until my head gets ahold of something that it Will. Not. Let. Go. Of.
Yes, I am not the total ray of sunshine that you all believe me to be. But despite all those faults, one good quality I have in spades is Devotion. If I care about someone, you better step the fuck off because I will own your ass for saying bad things about them or hurting them. End. Of. Discussion.
And so, now I wonder how long I should wait to let my dear dear friend get over feeling like I tore him a new asshole (because I kind of sort of did) before I call him to remind him that I do in fact luv him tons and would defend him in the very same way.
Thoughts that have crossed my mind in the last hour
While waiting for a friend to call so we can go hang out, these are the thoughts that crossed my mind -
(Warning, being inside Sassy's head can be a scary thing)
- This game (Facebook Bejeweled) Rocks!
- I'm developing mad fingering skillz
- I could use those skillz for wonderful alone time
- Or I could just keep playing Bejeweled
- Yeah, no contest, must make next score level!
- My mouse finger is getting sticky
- I bet I could make millions on laptop lube!
This is the post where it becomes universally acknowleged that I should not be left alone with small children
Kidz Songz that I have found disturbing since listening to them for 862 hours straight while in the presence of my preshus nephews.
1. The Cat Came Back
Dude, the cat is killing people. What hell is wrong with you?
2. There's a Hole in myScrotum Bucket
Sorry MyHope'sHusband, that one is still funny!
3. Froggy Went a'Courtin'
With a gun? Really? No wonder our children are in need of so much therapy. And did anyone else hear the part where he went down on Miss Mousy? That is just not appropriate for a 3 year old. Awesome, but still, not appropriate!
And finally, I'm sitting outside at the patio table playing some Facebook Bejeweled. It's a timed game. A timed game that I'm not very good at. A timed game that I'm not very good and apparently need to just walk away from. As my 1 minute runs out I shout "I'm not done yet! OMG, I'm this close and you stop? Bastard!" Only to look up and see a horrified mother walking by on the park path covering her child's ears and looking around for the man who couldn't last...
Yes, I'm free to babysit. You can pay me in whiskey.
1. The Cat Came Back
Dude, the cat is killing people. What hell is wrong with you?
2. There's a Hole in my
Sorry MyHope'sHusband, that one is still funny!
3. Froggy Went a'Courtin'
With a gun? Really? No wonder our children are in need of so much therapy. And did anyone else hear the part where he went down on Miss Mousy? That is just not appropriate for a 3 year old. Awesome, but still, not appropriate!
And finally, I'm sitting outside at the patio table playing some Facebook Bejeweled. It's a timed game. A timed game that I'm not very good at. A timed game that I'm not very good and apparently need to just walk away from. As my 1 minute runs out I shout "I'm not done yet! OMG, I'm this close and you stop? Bastard!" Only to look up and see a horrified mother walking by on the park path covering her child's ears and looking around for the man who couldn't last...
Yes, I'm free to babysit. You can pay me in whiskey.
How I know I have a problem
Hello, my name is Sassy and I'm an addict.
*Helloooo Sassy.*
One of the very first conversations MyHope and I had when I arrived in the valley of the sun went something like this:
MyHope- Why aren't you playing Facebook Bejeweled
Sassy- *slurps drink and shrugs*
MyHope- No, really, OMG, YOU MUST PLAY!!
Sassy- *gulps adult beverage and nods in a rather believable (but probably not) way*
MyHope- THE WORLD WILL END IF YOU DON'T PLAY WE MUST BEAT EX!!
Sassy- *pulls head out of her whiskey and begins to pay attention*
You see, I have a teeny tiney competitive streak. I might just be a little bit compulsive about it. It's not a nasty ugly, my day is ruined if I lose kind of thing, but it does take control of my brain on occassion.
Facebook Bejeweled has officially eaten my soul.
They all (the entire Ex-family) have been playing for weeks and have built up some pretty good skillz. I on the other hand suck fantastic suckiness. And so I must practise and must play to get better and must beat them must must cannot stop must play.
Quick, someone form and intervention!
*Helloooo Sassy.*
One of the very first conversations MyHope and I had when I arrived in the valley of the sun went something like this:
MyHope- Why aren't you playing Facebook Bejeweled
Sassy- *slurps drink and shrugs*
MyHope- No, really, OMG, YOU MUST PLAY!!
Sassy- *gulps adult beverage and nods in a rather believable (but probably not) way*
MyHope- THE WORLD WILL END IF YOU DON'T PLAY WE MUST BEAT EX!!
Sassy- *pulls head out of her whiskey and begins to pay attention*
You see, I have a teeny tiney competitive streak. I might just be a little bit compulsive about it. It's not a nasty ugly, my day is ruined if I lose kind of thing, but it does take control of my brain on occassion.
Facebook Bejeweled has officially eaten my soul.
They all (the entire Ex-family) have been playing for weeks and have built up some pretty good skillz. I on the other hand suck fantastic suckiness. And so I must practise and must play to get better and must beat them must must cannot stop must play.
Quick, someone form and intervention!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
He called my bluff
What to do when your "What if" guy offers up an answer to that question:
For the record, pretending you did not hear him will not work. He will simply repeat himself, louder and with an attempted demonstration. We are not the same people we once were though. We've had relationships and marriages and children. We've grown up. (Well he has, I'm still a hormone saturated 15 year old boy at heart, but that's beside the point) Make no mistake, I still think this man is damn hot. Hot Hot Hot. At 38 he is still tall and muscled and has the bluest eyes I have ever seen. He gives hugs that you just melt into and his sweet smile can bring you to your knees. Before I had even left the house for my little reunion adventure, MyHope asked if anything might happen and I confidently responded No. I was (and still am) content with the curious "what if" musing that allows you to remember sweetly through the rose colored film of time gone by. I guess it's not a real "what if" because the longings aren't really there. Just the warm fuzzy memories.
After he came to terms with the fact that he was not going to be getting a little slap and tickle, we found ourselves perched on a wall over looking the city below us. It's an amazing site you can only experience in a place like Arizona with it's vast city nestled in the valley beneath towering mountains. The stars danced above us so bright and the city was a silent masterpiece of lights below. In the quiet, he wrapped his arms around me and I snuggled into the embrace of one of my oldest friends.
We talked about our kids and our hopes and fears. We talked about our exes and our hopes and frustrations. We talked about our parents and the terror of watching them grow old. We talked about SexyMan. I attempted to explain to my dear friend the odd situation I find myself in. SM and I split up. But we are friends and still see each other. The emotions and the chemistry (dear holy hell the chemistry) is still there. So, we are at a point where we are... we are... well, we are no where. But we aren't NOT. Or are we? I'm not really sure. It is impossible to explain what we are and are not. Impossible because the words just don't seem adequate. Impossible because I don't really know. The best way I can sum it up is that he is confused. I am not confused; we are right in every way that right should be and I'm willing to wait and be patient and let him work through his confused.
As my explanation wound down, my dear dear friend asked me a question that only a dear dear friend can ask. "But don't you feel pathetic?" --- Ooof!
After spending some time today thinking about that, that answer is yes and no. I have laid myself completely bare. I am holding my heart out and waiting. It's a terrifying thing to be so vulnerable and emotionally naked. SM is in a position to utterly crush me. And yet, I'm trusting him and waiting. I don't want to feel pathetic. I'm fighting for a relationship that I think is the best thing to ever happen in my life. I cannot just give up and walk away because I'm afraid. But I am afraid. Afraid that I'm being stupid and foolish; that he doesn't want me and that my heart is going to slip from my fingers, falling at his feet, where he will just step over it and walk away. Forever.
So yes, when I think about it too much, I feel pathetic. And still, I'm standing here, with my heart out, waiting for him to decide.
For the record, pretending you did not hear him will not work. He will simply repeat himself, louder and with an attempted demonstration. We are not the same people we once were though. We've had relationships and marriages and children. We've grown up. (Well he has, I'm still a hormone saturated 15 year old boy at heart, but that's beside the point) Make no mistake, I still think this man is damn hot. Hot Hot Hot. At 38 he is still tall and muscled and has the bluest eyes I have ever seen. He gives hugs that you just melt into and his sweet smile can bring you to your knees. Before I had even left the house for my little reunion adventure, MyHope asked if anything might happen and I confidently responded No. I was (and still am) content with the curious "what if" musing that allows you to remember sweetly through the rose colored film of time gone by. I guess it's not a real "what if" because the longings aren't really there. Just the warm fuzzy memories.
After he came to terms with the fact that he was not going to be getting a little slap and tickle, we found ourselves perched on a wall over looking the city below us. It's an amazing site you can only experience in a place like Arizona with it's vast city nestled in the valley beneath towering mountains. The stars danced above us so bright and the city was a silent masterpiece of lights below. In the quiet, he wrapped his arms around me and I snuggled into the embrace of one of my oldest friends.
We talked about our kids and our hopes and fears. We talked about our exes and our hopes and frustrations. We talked about our parents and the terror of watching them grow old. We talked about SexyMan. I attempted to explain to my dear friend the odd situation I find myself in. SM and I split up. But we are friends and still see each other. The emotions and the chemistry (dear holy hell the chemistry) is still there. So, we are at a point where we are... we are... well, we are no where. But we aren't NOT. Or are we? I'm not really sure. It is impossible to explain what we are and are not. Impossible because the words just don't seem adequate. Impossible because I don't really know. The best way I can sum it up is that he is confused. I am not confused; we are right in every way that right should be and I'm willing to wait and be patient and let him work through his confused.
As my explanation wound down, my dear dear friend asked me a question that only a dear dear friend can ask. "But don't you feel pathetic?" --- Ooof!
After spending some time today thinking about that, that answer is yes and no. I have laid myself completely bare. I am holding my heart out and waiting. It's a terrifying thing to be so vulnerable and emotionally naked. SM is in a position to utterly crush me. And yet, I'm trusting him and waiting. I don't want to feel pathetic. I'm fighting for a relationship that I think is the best thing to ever happen in my life. I cannot just give up and walk away because I'm afraid. But I am afraid. Afraid that I'm being stupid and foolish; that he doesn't want me and that my heart is going to slip from my fingers, falling at his feet, where he will just step over it and walk away. Forever.
So yes, when I think about it too much, I feel pathetic. And still, I'm standing here, with my heart out, waiting for him to decide.
Friday, June 19, 2009
The benefits of a male roommate
It started Sunday. I was exhausted from a weekend of camping and returned home with a mountain of laundry and a filthy family. After getting the Things, the dog and myself clean again; after starting my 487th load of clothes in the washer, Ex came over.
He came over to consolidate the Things into one room. He came over to begin the moving process. You see, the shitty economy hasn't just struck you and your neighbor, it's struck the house of Sass. With raises gone bye-bye and furlough days on the horizon, I had to evaluate my finances and make a very difficult decision.
I could not keep going as I was and stay afloat. In order to make a significant difference in my monthly budget, I needed a roommate. Someone to split the bills with down the middle. And the idea of sharing my space with anyone is a scary thing for me. I'm incredibly independent and this may shock you but in so many ways, I'm a very private person. You would not believe the shit I don't post here people. Seriously! Also, I'm protective of my little demons. Who could I have live here that I wouldn't want to kill after 3 days? Who could I have live here that I would trust being around my progeny so much. Other than my dreams of SM moving in (we'll get to that a little more in a minute) there really wasn't anyone but Ex.
Lucky for me, he and I are still the best of friends. I can look like hell and not worry when I'm around him. I can confide in him my darkest secrets. Of course, he knows all those already so that is kind of silly, but still, you get where I'm going with this. I trust him with the Things, DUH! And, I trust him with my stuff, and I trust him with me at my worst. So, Ex moved back in this week.
My house is in shambles. There are boxes and crap everywhere! And let me tell you, that is probably the one pet peeve I have almost zero control over. Sassy hates clutter and chaos! But I'm dealing with it. The hope is that by the time I return from vacation next weekend, that the clutter and chaos will be controlled. Ex has known me for more years than just about anyone and in truth knows me better than my own mother. So he knows my ability to hold my shit together amidst the disaster that is my home right now is reaching an end.
Anyhoo, the title talked about the benefits of a male roommate. And this is it: I am going to Az tomorrow. I have a fabulous new bathing suit with a little bitty bottom and OMG CLEAVAGE baring top. I thought it looked amazing in the store. But as I'm packing I'm second guessing. So, I tried it on and trooped my not-as-fat-as-it-used-to-be ass downstairs and asked his MALE opinion. I asked him if I looked like a fat lady pouring herself into a too small swim suit. He laughed. Then I said, no really, honest to god male without bias give me your starkiest worst opinion... According to him I look fantastic. YAY! So, male opinions on your possibly-not-fat-ass is a definite plus.
I have to admit that amid all this moving, I had a serious melt down that had nothing to do with the clutter. It was an emotional melt down. When I think about my home and my life, and the idea of inviting a man (or anyone for that matter) into it, I immediately think of SM. So, as Ex was moving in, I turned into a quiet moody bitch. I was trying to cope with the sadness of this not being what I really really wanted. I had to cope with the idea the SM is not going to be moving in here, even on an every other week basis at this point. I had to accept that my Ex husband was moving back in. Then I had to realign my thinking and remember that one of my dearest friends is moving in.
It's confusing. I know.
To make things even more complex because y'all know Sassy never wants to bore you. Ex has a girlfriend. She isn't overly pleased but she's dealing with it. AND. AND. AND. well, there are some things going on with SM and I. Nothing has changed and yet everything has changed. We are taking things one day at a time and I'm OK with that. When it's Right, you just have to go slow and wade through the waters, right?
So there you go. That's what's been up in my world and why I've been uncharacteristically non-share-ish lately. I just haven't known how to put all this into words. I'm still not sure this is the best way to do it but I've got to get it out and these are the only words I have for right now.
I'll be in Arizona for the next week meeting my new nephew, slobbering kisses all over my older nephew and soaking up the absolute goodness that is MyHope. She is the bestest of the bestest ever and I can't wait to get her drunk. Also, I'll be catching up with some old friends. Friends from high school and college. I cannot wait. I will have internet access and I'm taking my laptop lover with me so y'all should be seeing posts. Possibly drunk posts. Yay! right!?!
Let's just hope I don't spontaneously combust from the heat!
He came over to consolidate the Things into one room. He came over to begin the moving process. You see, the shitty economy hasn't just struck you and your neighbor, it's struck the house of Sass. With raises gone bye-bye and furlough days on the horizon, I had to evaluate my finances and make a very difficult decision.
I could not keep going as I was and stay afloat. In order to make a significant difference in my monthly budget, I needed a roommate. Someone to split the bills with down the middle. And the idea of sharing my space with anyone is a scary thing for me. I'm incredibly independent and this may shock you but in so many ways, I'm a very private person. You would not believe the shit I don't post here people. Seriously! Also, I'm protective of my little demons. Who could I have live here that I wouldn't want to kill after 3 days? Who could I have live here that I would trust being around my progeny so much. Other than my dreams of SM moving in (we'll get to that a little more in a minute) there really wasn't anyone but Ex.
Lucky for me, he and I are still the best of friends. I can look like hell and not worry when I'm around him. I can confide in him my darkest secrets. Of course, he knows all those already so that is kind of silly, but still, you get where I'm going with this. I trust him with the Things, DUH! And, I trust him with my stuff, and I trust him with me at my worst. So, Ex moved back in this week.
My house is in shambles. There are boxes and crap everywhere! And let me tell you, that is probably the one pet peeve I have almost zero control over. Sassy hates clutter and chaos! But I'm dealing with it. The hope is that by the time I return from vacation next weekend, that the clutter and chaos will be controlled. Ex has known me for more years than just about anyone and in truth knows me better than my own mother. So he knows my ability to hold my shit together amidst the disaster that is my home right now is reaching an end.
Anyhoo, the title talked about the benefits of a male roommate. And this is it: I am going to Az tomorrow. I have a fabulous new bathing suit with a little bitty bottom and OMG CLEAVAGE baring top. I thought it looked amazing in the store. But as I'm packing I'm second guessing. So, I tried it on and trooped my not-as-fat-as-it-used-to-be ass downstairs and asked his MALE opinion. I asked him if I looked like a fat lady pouring herself into a too small swim suit. He laughed. Then I said, no really, honest to god male without bias give me your starkiest worst opinion... According to him I look fantastic. YAY! So, male opinions on your possibly-not-fat-ass is a definite plus.
I have to admit that amid all this moving, I had a serious melt down that had nothing to do with the clutter. It was an emotional melt down. When I think about my home and my life, and the idea of inviting a man (or anyone for that matter) into it, I immediately think of SM. So, as Ex was moving in, I turned into a quiet moody bitch. I was trying to cope with the sadness of this not being what I really really wanted. I had to cope with the idea the SM is not going to be moving in here, even on an every other week basis at this point. I had to accept that my Ex husband was moving back in. Then I had to realign my thinking and remember that one of my dearest friends is moving in.
It's confusing. I know.
To make things even more complex because y'all know Sassy never wants to bore you. Ex has a girlfriend. She isn't overly pleased but she's dealing with it. AND. AND. AND. well, there are some things going on with SM and I. Nothing has changed and yet everything has changed. We are taking things one day at a time and I'm OK with that. When it's Right, you just have to go slow and wade through the waters, right?
So there you go. That's what's been up in my world and why I've been uncharacteristically non-share-ish lately. I just haven't known how to put all this into words. I'm still not sure this is the best way to do it but I've got to get it out and these are the only words I have for right now.
I'll be in Arizona for the next week meeting my new nephew, slobbering kisses all over my older nephew and soaking up the absolute goodness that is MyHope. She is the bestest of the bestest ever and I can't wait to get her drunk. Also, I'll be catching up with some old friends. Friends from high school and college. I cannot wait. I will have internet access and I'm taking my laptop lover with me so y'all should be seeing posts. Possibly drunk posts. Yay! right!?!
Let's just hope I don't spontaneously combust from the heat!
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