Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Quit your sniveling and get to work

This was the breaking news that I woke up to this morning.

Kids. Little Kids. Ages 8-10. “Good kids.”

Not teenagers. Not angst ridden hormonal 15 year old druggies.

Up to 9 kids planned to “hurt” their teacher. Not only did they plan it but it sounds like they had a pretty good plan. Considering all the stupid adult criminals we hear stories about, I have to admit that there is part of me that’s impressed.

While I’m horrified and desperately sad that these kids would even think to do such a thing I’m awed by their ability to work together and logically plan something like this. They even had a kid assigned clean up duty (sucker, there’s one born every minute). If 8-10 year olds can organize and plan something like this as well as any adult, why the hell are we still working for them? If the little monkeys can organize in such a way, I say they can get out and get jobs too. They can flip a burger while standing on a stool as well as any pimply 17 year old can. AND they won’t be thinking about the hot chick from chemistry class that they banged last night. 96% of the accidents that happen in the kitchen are due to distracted cooks. Or is that drivers? Anyway, my point. Shush, I have a point. My point is that we coddle these little beings because we think they don’t have an understanding of complex cause and effect. We think they can’t make valid and healthy choices for themselves. Hell, people, neither can we. I’m the one who drank myself into a puddle recently and had to fight off Officer Friendly’s advances all while trying to remember to let the dog out and set my alarm for work the next day. If kids can plan to murder like an adult, I say they can get a job and pay taxes like an adult.

Another thought: A lone ant is a nuisance. Stand on a fire ant hill and you could be dead in hours. Swarms. Children on an individual basis are simply a pain in the ass, or ankle depending on how tall they are. In pairs they start to work together but still, pretty manageable. But once you get 5 or more in one place, you are flirting with danger. You’ve got all the makings for a mob, a swarm, a plague if you will. School teachers should be armed with riot gear. Swistle should be given her own body guard. Right. Now.

Thing 1, Thing 2. You’ve officially been put on notice. Quit whining about memorizing all the states and capitols. I doubt our presidential candidates know that shit either. It’s time to get a job. A good paying job. With dental and a 401k. Momma’s got some drinking to do and someone’s gotta pay the bills.

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