Thursday, April 3, 2008

Let's dance

The Ex's grandma is very ill. We aren't sure what to expect except that the expectations should not be very high. And while she is actually HIS grandma, she's MY grandma too. 13 years is a long time to love someone and not have it make a permanent imprint on your heart. Shortly after my grandmother died, I took a job that required a lot of travel. Once, when I was in her (the Ex's grandma) general area, she insisted that I stay with her. This was not a family trip. He wasn't there. The kids weren't there. It was just her and me. And those days were genuinely the most restful and fulfilling and wonderful I have ever spent. I can't even find the right adjective. There isn't one. Words cannot describe. So while I'm trying very hard to be supportive of him and his family (who is also MY family. I'm territorial and spoiled. Once I claim you, you can't get out of it!) I'm dealing with my own fear and grieving.

My very dear friend Amy is going through some serious depression. She is on disability from work. Her Ex (who is a psychotic bastard that should rot in hell) is giving her more problems. Her daughter was just diagnosed with a "minor" learning disability. One thing on top of the other and suddenly even small problems feel huge. I want to be there for my friend. I want to carry her through this. I want her to know that no matter what, she will never be alone. We can do it together.

SexyMan just found out that his son's CP has regressed a little bit. The boy needs to wear a brace, get some botox shots and have some therapy. It's not tragic information but when the last thing you heard was that he is doing perfect, the blow hits pretty hard. The initial hearing for his custody battle went OK. Not bad, not good, just OK. Nothing has changed. Yet. He now knows what lies she is going to try and sway the judge with. He was caught off guard by a lot of it. I'm always one to believe that good will win. So in this case, he shouldn't have anything to worry about, right? In family court, good has nothing to do with it. I'm scared for him.

What's going on in my life? What's happening directly to me?
Nothing really.
And still my heart is breaking and I'm exhausted from worry.
The people I care about. The people that I love and would do anything for. Those people are me. The woman I am is a patchwork quilt of all the experiences I've had in my life and those experiences aren't events. They are people.

I got this in an email this morning:
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.
It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Let's dance.

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