Thursday, February 21, 2008

Somebody's giving me the finger

This morning my work PC decided to flip me of and then take a crap on my desk. While my IT guy built me a new pc that had manners and was potty trained I did what any hard working person would do; I wandered my office talking loudly to everyone else who was trying to get work done. It was a good morning.

This afternoon was pretty darn good as well. Deb asked me to do her a favor and submit a letter of recommendation on her behalf. I was pleased as punch to do so. This is the first response I have gotten back.

Thank you for contacting us.

This is to let you know that
Tiffany.com Customer Service has received
your e-mail. We will respond
to your inquiry within 24
hours.

Tiffany.com
1-800-843-3269

If you wish to
review our privacy policy, please click
here:
http://www.tiffany.com/service/policy_vis.asp

Yay! Deb, you are totally in. And someone sent me Tiffany in a box. WooHoo!!!

In light of those things, you might be thinking that today was the bestest Sassy day ever. But you would wrong. Last night was TheBestSassyDay EVAR!

Last night while driving Thing1 to church he asked me what “whore” meant. Hmmm, how to handle this, how to handle this… Being the completely dorky language freak that I am, I started out by explaining that while the word has a true definition it can be used in many ways that don’t relate to the actual definition. I gave him the example of “Crap” because that’s a word I recently gave him permission to use. He’s pretty familiar with how versatile crap is so this concept made perfect sense to him. Then I explained that a “whore” was a working girl. He looked at me weird and so I knew his friend had bastardized the word and I told him so. “What does bastardize mean?” says he. “Crap!” says I. Thus, most of the drive was spent discussing $5 dollar hookers and their illegitimate children as well as how freaking cool the English language was.

After other adults spent an hour and a half mentoring my young and impressionable son about how to be a good person and pray and all that stuff we got back in the car to drive home. Hoping to derail him from bringing up our earlier conversation I turned on the radio really loud. Unfortunately a song came on that reminded him of a joke. Even more unfortunately, it was a joke that he didn’t understand. “Mom, can you explain this joke to me?” says he. “Crap!” says I. The joke involved a young girl named Mary, a pencil wielding boy named Adam, and a question asking teacher-Nun. It ended with Mary clearly saying. “Adam, if you keep poking me in the ass with that thing I’m going to break it in half.” Suffice it to say that most of the drive home was spent destroying all the good work those other adults did. First I had to clarify that baby making sex does not actually occur via the back door. Then we covered straight and gay anal sex in the context of loving long term relationships because I’m so not ready to talk to him about one night stands. He’s too young for that!

3 comments:

XUP said...

You feed them, you buy them clothes once in a while and you let them live in your house and now you're expected to explain the whole freakin' world to them as well? What next? Damn kids.

Once when my baby was about 6 she asked me what a pedophile was. I explained it was a very sick person who did sex things to little children. She was astonished and asked why he would want to do sex things with children. I said because it's his way of having fun. And she said, if he really wanted to have fun with children he should take them to the playground or an amusement park because that's really a lot of fun... not sex stuff.

Deb said...

You rock, Ms. Sassy. Got my unadorned fingers crossed!

Last week my teen asked me to explain PMS. I had a long discussion including hormones, cycles, emotions, perception, non-traditional remedies plus free at no additional societal disrespect for women, attacking jokes, dismissing women's anger, and men as women's allies. He said, "whoa, okay, fine, I just wanted to know what that commercial was about."

SP said...

I told his dad about this situation and he just laughed and said he was glad it was me instead of him. Whew. I was a little bit worried there.