Friday, February 8, 2008

It's that time of year again

WARNING: TMI
It was that time of year again. You know what I'm talking about ladies. The dreaded annual exam.
I guess I'm pretty lucky because I've never had a tramatic speculum experience and my health update Q&A consists of me continually rattling my head from side to side because I'm boring and healthy.
My doctor has no personality. ZERO! I love it. He is completely dead pan and totally blunt. When I had my nipple rings he wanted to know where I had them done, the conditions they were performed under and he thoroughly checked to make sure they were healing well. I live in HOLY-FACKING-SUBURBIA and he didn't even raise and eyebrow. The other doctor in the clinic is cute and perky and fun to talk to. However, I don't want to chat when she has her fingers in my pink place. Maybe it's just me but that isn't the time to discuss the weather or the election or how my kids are doing in school. Do what you gotta do woman and get out.
Today my doctor was running 20 minutes late but Dr. Cheerful could squeeze me in. I opted to wait.
I also had my cholesterol checked (good stuff is high, bad stuff is low) and a tetnus shot. This part is for Ev: I didn't whine or complain or pass out. I tossed my arm up on the arm rest and waited for her to do her thing. Unfortunately I completely ruined my "I am tough" image when the receptionist handed me some forms and I started to cry from the worst papercut ever! They gave me a Snoopy bandaid and I felt lots better.
The moral of the story is that your SassyPants is healthy and probably going to live for at least a few more years. So please please stop asking me leave you my bubble gum ring.
One more thing. Jenny showed me how to do this and I will love her forever for it:

3 comments:

Ev said...

I'm proud of you for being a big girl!

We give out Curious George band-aides and I swear the adults like them better than the kids. I try to always put them on the old men who are there for their PSAa and for all cancer patients. My theory is that if you have to lose a breast or a cervix, at the very least you deserve a Curious George band-aid.

Mama Drama Jenny, the Bloggess said...

All doctors are supposed to be impressed or at least agast at nipple rings. This is just common sense.

I would have been totally thrown off.

XUP said...

Personally, I like the chirpy doctors better -- makes me feel like I'm at the check-out line at the grocery store or at a bus stop, just making conversation while I happen to have some extraneous digits and assorted hardware in my "pink place". The deapan doctor always makes me feel like something's wrong. Thanks for sharing