Monday, August 29, 2011

Zzzzzz (clarified)

Happy Monday my loverlies. I had a good one. So good my body doesn't realize my brain is still at home sleeping. While I don't usually rely too heavily on my brain when I'm putting shit up here, this is quite clearly brainless and I couldn't possibly have better words so, Cheers for StealingShitMonday!

The Bloggess's Body Acceptance By Age. (Go read the whole post here.)*

•What babies think about their bodies: I have a body?
          •What toddlers think about their bodies: Why can’t I get this to work?

•What little boys think about their bodies: I can pee standing up. I am obsessed with my penis.

•What little girls think about their bodies: I am beautiful. When do I get my wings?

•What pre-teen boys think about their bodies: What the fuck is happening?

•What pre-teen girls think about their bodies: This is going to happen EVERY MONTH?

•What teen boys think about their bodies: I can pee standing up. I am obsessed with my penis.

•What teen girls think about their bodies: I am hideous and I wish I looked like that girl.

•What men think about their bodies: I can pee standing up. I am obsessed with my penis.

•What women think about their bodies: I am hideous and I wish I looked like I did when I was a teenager.

•What old men think about their bodies: What the hell happened to my penis?

•What old women think about their bodies: Fuck you. I’m awesome.
 
Let's start a trend ladies, every time we hear our friends insult themselves, simply say "Fuck you, You're awesome." Eventually they'll believe us. Maybe even before they're dusting the baseboards with their boobs.
 
* I didn't ask The Bloggess for permission to repost this. But since I've got an entire collection of ugly ass rings on my dresser right now from an addiction she gave me YEARS ago when I won a nipple ring** on her website, I'm well within my bounds. Also, the inappropriate magnet that came with the ring that makes my mother shiver awkwardly everytime she walks past my fridge; That makes us practically sisters.

** Don't be so pervy. It's not fetish jewelry. It's a ring that looks like a nipple... oh wait, never mind.