Thursday, August 5, 2010

Guest Post by EX!!!

He doesn't really need an introduction, you've all heard me talk about him plenty. Anyway, here he is, the one man in this world who totally gets me. Scary, right?

Vegas baby....VEGASSSSS!

So I just spent a week in Vegas and a good time was had by all that went. First few days were business so I was hanging out with work people. Then my parents came up for a day and I spent time with them. After that my sister and bro-in-law arrived to hang out for the last couple of days. Different experiences with each set of people for sure, but all involved drinking, gambling and.... well I can't tell you because you all know that 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas'!

Talking with some friends when I got back however, it seems that it was assumed that I did things in Vegas that I didn't actually do. Yes, I was on my own there in Vegas, with a big cushy room at the Aria to myself. Yes, there were ample opportunities for extracurricular activities of the carnal nature, but I behaved myself. Some were doubtful that I was being honest about that. Others were downright shocked that I passed up the opportunity. But let me explain why for all the doubters out there.

There are 3 reasons I have never had a 'girl direct to you in 20 minutes':
1. I have a fear that they won't look like the girl on the card, but rather the girl handing out the cards on the street corner.
2. Black Syph
3. CSI

Let me explain.

1. First and foremost, I have a fear of the bait and switch. The girls on the card look like this:


But I have a strong suspicion that after you call.. the girl that shows up will look like the ones handing out the cards instead:

Not quite the same.

2. The Black Syph. Now I had never heard of this before, but as work is never dull, we had a vendor come in one day and regale us with a fine story. Now this very outgoing gentleman was apparently in the service and was overseas. Apparently he felt the need to share the story of why he doesn’t go to strip joints and brothels after his stint in the service. What he told us was that one day he was in the bathroom on the base, minding his own business, taking a piss and all of a sudden a guy a few urinals down starts screaming. When he looked over the guy was bleeding profusely from the groin area and apparently his junk had rotted off and fallen into the urinal. The guy died shortly after that.. and lucky for him at that point as no one wants to survive junk-less. Now the black syph is rumored to be only in parts of East Asia, if it even really exists, but let’s be honest, if it exists anywhere outside of there, it would be on a Vegas hooker that is advertised by homeless people flicking cards on the street at anyone that passes by. No thank you! http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Black%20Syphilis
3. CSI. I love the show CSI and the original series is centered on Vegas. I can’t even remember how many episodes start off with the inside of a hotel room where some random guy is dead and it’s pretty obvious he has had some bad encounter with an unknown companion. Maybe he is just missing his wallet and valuables, but other times he is missing a kidney or something like that. I like the little bit of money I do have to my name and I sure as hell like my kidneys and other internal organs. So again, going to pass on calling random strangers up to hang out in my room.
So all in all.. I will stick to the strip clubs and the Pleasure Pit at Planet Hollywood for my visual entertainment while in Vegas. Maybe that makes me a prude, but at least I would be a prude with his junk and internal organs intact and that can honestly say he has not had sex with someone whose gender was questionable. :P

And one last thing, on an entirely different note, my younger son has decided that the drummer for Slipknot (metal band) is the greatest ever, I think mainly because he plays really fast. Or maybe because he wears a mask while he plays. Either way, playing fast does not equal talent. I have seen my 3 year old nephew beat the shit out of some pots and pans really fast, but he is not ready to tour the country. So in response, I posted the following video. If you want to see one of the most talented drummers out there today, give it a watch. He is absolutely amazing.







2 comments:

SoccerMom said...

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Yeah, what stays in vegas baby

So true

Stacie's Madness said...

lmfao. nice post...thanks for the, um, info. ;)