Tuesday, August 18, 2009

I hate the word Butch

Ever since I moved to Madison I have been longing to go to the local hookah bar. Seriously, it's a hookah bar. How fun would that be? Tons of fun, I was convinced. I mentioned it to at least 20 different people saying that it's something I wanted to experience just once. I'm that kind of person. I love the random experiences in life and I want to try them all.

Saturday I had my chance and it turned out to be more awesome than I ever imagined. You see, it's not just a hookah bar, it's actually a gay hookah bar. A gay hookah bar with karaoke. A gay hookah bar with karaoke during Pride weekend. Fucking Awesome!

I was out with my cousin who was in pimp mode once again and after consulting with some of his lesbian friends on where he might find me some pretty ladies the Hookah came up. And so we went. On the drive over he kept trying to figure out what my type was. Butch or Lipstick? I didn't like the sound of either one. Lipstick just makes me think of overly slicked up high maintenance girlie girls. So not my thing. But butch? No. I want a woman who is a woman, not a man with an extra set of lips. What I discovered that night was that a gay man thinks that damn near every gay woman is butch. Of course every gay man I have ever met has been at least a little bit queenie in my opinion too. We all have our bias. But when I asked him how he would describe me and he came back with "a very feminine butch" I decided that I had absolutely had enough of that word. It's not complimentary. It brings to mind women who look more like men. Women who spit and wear flannel and don't shave. Nope. That word is officially being banned from my vocabulary. I have never been a fan of the word cunt. I have officially placed butch right up there with it. Do. Not. Like.

I met some fantastic people that night, gay and straight. I laughed so hard I almost cried many many times over. I cannot even begin to explain all the awesome of the night except to say that it contained big burly bear type men in teeny tiny Richard Simmons shorts calling my daah-llling.

Also, I have two dates this week. YAY


Ev said...

Hmmm...I self-describe as butch and I like the word. It's a handy term just like any other descriptor...tall, short, black, latina, etc.

I'm good with tools, keep my hair short, and tend to be the go-to girl for lifting heavy stuff and killing bugs. But I don't spit or stomp. I'll cop to wearing flannel in the winter, but hey...it's warm.

JayCee Leigh said...

I'm not a huge fan either of the word BUTCH either. . . but 'lipstick' and 'femme' don't really bother me TOOOOO much.

I'm bi, and I almost always describe myself as Femme (if I'm talking to someone who's NOT gay/bi) or as Lipstick (especially if I'm talking to a gay MAN) b/c I try to make it easy for the person I'm TALKING TO to relate to what I'm saying, how I look, how I usually act, etc.

I don't describe myself (INTERNALLY) as a young, hot, single LIPSTICK Mom. . . but that's b/c when it's just ME or me w/ people I love and trust, I don't have to use ANY words to 'define' myself. . . I'm just ME.

SP said...

Ev, I guess the general description fits, perhaps it's my social training that I need to overcome. However, I would describe you as FanFuckingTastic. It's a new term. I'm gonna trademark it.

JayCee, I agree with you. I think the biggest reason I struggle with any of the labels is because I'm so much more than that.

Blondiesblondemoments said...

I don't like the word butch either. Why does there even have to be a label? oh well, not matter what people are going to label others.

I wonder what I am? mmm...

I love karaoke bars! What fun!

Ev said...

Labels are a jumping off point, IMO. If I say I'm a middle-aged butch science nerd mom, you get a lot of information in that sentence because you already have an idea in your head of what it means to be:
3.science nerd

Butch is just shorthand. Anything you might want to know about a person beyond that will require an actual conversation.

And you're pretty fanfuckingtastic yourself, Ms. Pants. :-)

Stacie's Madness said...

look at you go...sounds like a good time regardless of the labels!

Steph said...

You forgot to tell us about the part where you had a snogfest in the back that rated high eoungh to score two dates! I want to hear about THAT!