Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Mmmm, honey

I am not the piss people off just for fun kind of person. In fact, I'm not overly fond of pissed off people in general. So, I do try to avoid making waves. I am actually a subscriber to the "You catch more flies with honey" way of thinking despite the fact that the addage makes absolutely no fucking sense whatsoever. You'll catch the most flies with a giant noxious pile of shit. I'm just saying. That's beside the point though - over there, smelling up the place. We're going to ignore the odor of the crappy addage and move on now. Ready? So, sweetness gets you what you want, right? Typically. I'm here to tell you though that there are exceptions. Sometimes you have to bust out the assholery to get anything done.

There's this event coming up. Plans have been set for months. I've been resting a little easy on this one. I was ahead of schedule. All good, people, all good. Relax, no worries. Have another cocktail - until - *Dun dun duuuun* The phone call. MsHotelBitch called me to explain that somehow our room had been over-booked and that we would no longer have BigAssConferenceRoom. Instead we would have the dark supply closet on the 13th floor behind the smoking lounge and under the sweaty gym towels. In response to this I tried to be nice. I tried to joke and commiserate with her difficult situation. I tried to gently remind her of the many emails we shared confirming BigAssConferenceRoom as well as the 3 month old signed contract. She was nice back. She joked back. She remembered the emails and the contract. She handed me the key to the 3x3 cupboard. And that was when I had had ENOUGH.

My children have always had a natural understanding of ENOUGH. I think it's genetic. Hard wired into their genes. Both ExMom and my momma used "That is ENOUGH" while raising us. Thus it was only natural that Ex and I use it and that the Things freeze in their tracks before the Fffff sound can even roll off our lips. In truth, I can send any one of their friends and most of the neighborhood dogs scurrying for home with a quiet "That's ENOUGH." -- This woman? She didn't have a single "ENOUGH" chromosome in her body.

She could tell that I was not going to walk quietly away, content to be conferencing inside a lunchbox. Still, she was insistant that she simply had to ignore obligations and accountability. Somebody's brother's uncle-inlaw was connected to the local firehydrant maker's union and they requested the room 2 hours ago. She had no choice, don't you see? As she was explaining how her hands were tied, somehow she let it slip that somebody, the one with the brother who has an uncle-inlaw; Somebody. Was. Her. Boyfriend. With that, she had pushed the teeny tiny button that would bring me to a screeching halt. I hung up the phone, put together a very professional email explaining how contractual obligations were being dismissed based on an employee's romantic relationship and a desire to fulfill favors. I called back and asked to speak to Manager. While on the phone, I requested Manager's email address and hit send. I then gave him my name and phone number, asking him to call me after he had read the email so we could discuss. Manager called me back after about 37 seconds. It would be handled. It would be taken care of immediately. I'm so sorry... sorry... free dinner on us...

So, I guess it should be noted that when Sassy has had ENOUGH! it is wise to remember that not only do I know how to dribble honey down a hot sexy body, I also know how to shoot to kill.
Quick. Easy. ENOUGH.

1 comment:

MyHope said...

Cade is quickly learning the "ENOUGH" command to stop in his tracks and beg for mercy. We will get there soon enough.