Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Even the Gangstas are Nice

In general, the Midwest is full of polite and friendly people. Madison is no different, just perhaps a bit more colorful than its surrounding small towns and quiet/conservative communities. I love it. And apparently it loves me back because yesterday, Madison sent me a fluffy unicorn with rainbow hair and glitter sprinkles.

I pulled into a gas station because I needed gas. Duh. And while I'm pumping I'm listening to a big tattooed dude standing next to a pimped out Cadillac Escalade scream, yell and threaten someone on the other end of the phone. It was quite clearly a drug "negotiation" and he didn't care who heard about it. During this rage filled tantrum, he was staring - At Me! When he finished his call he waved to his gangsta partner and they walked toward me and my innocent little mom van.

BigGangsta: Ma'am?
Sassy: Whatcha want ma homey Can I help you?
BigGangsta: Umm, well, no ma'am. I think I can help you though
Sassy: Step off ma grill dawg before I have to bust out a can of whoop ass Oh?
BigGangsta: Ma'am your back tire is very low and you shouldn't be driving on it that way.
Sassy: Hellz yeah ma nigga, thanks for the 411 Oh?
BigGangsta: Just pull your van up over there ma'am and I'll fill it up for you
Sassy: You da bomb Umm, thanks.
...
...
Sassy: Wass yo name biatch? Thank you again. What's your name?
BigGangsta: Sher
Sassy: Sher?
LilGangsta: Hahahaha, tell the lady yo real name pussy
BigGangsta: Don't talk like that in front of the lady MothaFucka
LilGangsta: Tell her yo real name bitch
BigGangsta: My name is Sher' Main' ma'am
LilGangsta: Ahahahahaha!
Sassy: Jermain?
BigGangsta: No ma'am, Sher' Main'
Sassy: Shermain? gigglemuffledlaughsnortchortle
BigGangsta: Yes ma'am
LilGangsta: It's like a stripper's name isn't it? Ahahahaha!
BigGangsta: Shuddup MothaFucka. You don't talk like that in front of a lady.
Sassy: More like an off strip Atlantic City drag queen.
LilGangsta: AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Sassy: What's his name?
BigGangsta: That's MothaFucka
Sassy: ????
BigGangsta: Ma Thaf Ka
Sassy: Wow
BigGangsta: I know. And he's laughin' at me. You're all set now ma'am.
Sassy: Thanks for your help.
BigGangsta: Night ma'am
Sassy: Stop calling me ma'am you trashy-drag-queen-named gangsta biatch or I'm gonna have to kick yo ass! Night, Sher. Night MothaFucka.

And my birthday isn't even until next week. I you love Madison.

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1 comment:

Stacie's Madness said...

omfg.

roflmao.

I mean, I've got no words 'cept YO!

My first love lives in Madison *sigh*