Monday, November 24, 2008

Saturday
4:00AM
– It’s pitch black outside and damn cold. Tell me again why I’m doing this? Oh hell, it’s for the Thing isn’t it? Stop bitching Sassy, this is what Momma’s do. We suffer for our children so that we can guilt them for the rest of their lives. So far, he’ll be putting me up in the most luxurious old folk’s home around, with a room right next to Brad Pitt’s mom.
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6:00AM – Whose idea was it to put me on a steel roof? SM must be smoking crack. How can you stay perfectly quiet when every frozen shiver sent through your body makes a loud metal rumble? I’m wearing long johns (2 tops and 2 bottoms), a pair of jeans, snow pants, a long sleeve shirt, an insulated flannel shirt and a heavy winter coat. I look like the little brother in A Christmas Story. I have warmers in my boots and in my gloves. I have a winter hat that covers everything on my face but my eyeballs. And still I’m freezing my ass off. This is fun right?


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6:15AM – Text messaging from across the field:
* ThingSaid-“I heard you two last night and I KNOW what you were doing” Fuck! “I don’t care if you do it I just don’t want to know about it”
* SassySaid-“I’m sorry you had to hear that, I’m sure it made you very uncomfortable. I will make sure you are not in that kind of situation again”
Damn Shit Fuck- bad mom, bad! I’m going to be stuck in a trailer park old folks home where they serve rotten gruel and stale water.
* ThingSaid-“Cool, can I eat my beef jerky now?”
* SassySaid-“I’m glad you felt comfortable bringing that up to me”
* ThingSaid-“Yeah whatever. Beef jerky, now? Please?”
* SassySaid-“Of course you can have the jerky now”
*ThingSaid-“Awesome. You are the best mom ever”
Yes! I’m back in OldLady Heaven. Thank you God for beef jerky, Amen.
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9:00AM
– Move? Walk? Get up and stretch? Sweet holy hell I get to move! Yay!
- - - OMG, wait. Hold on one minute there. You expect me to move? Quietly? Without screaming and moaning? (No we are not still talking about what Thing1 heard last night. Different kind of moaning, people, keep up). Every muscle in my body is frozen solid. I have ice crusted snot sticking this mask to my face and I have to pee so badly my vision is yellow. Now you tell me about quiet Mr. IThinkI’mSexy!
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11:00AM - Mmmm, food and hot coffee. The sun is out and it really is beautiful. I have fresh foot warmers in my boots. SM really is looking all sexy and rugged over there. Strong and manly. Very hot! I can't wait to get him home tonight. I think I can do this after all. - - - Umm, did he just wipe a drip off snot off my nose? We just crossed over into complete-comfort-be-together-forever OR too-close-you-are-so-not-mysterious-and-hot-anymore. Hmmm, something to think/worry about while watching my toes fall off this afternoon.
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1:00PM – Look at them. My SM and my oldest Thing. Bonding. Walking away talking and being all manly together. (nostalgic sigh) That’s it; you leave me alone here on my metal roof and go do guyish stuff. My heart is going pitter patter and my ovaries are aching. This moment is so sweet I can almost forget about my frost-bitten extremities.
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4:30PM – Time to pack up. Thing1 is beaming. He got to play in the woods and climb trees and eat jerky and talk manly talk and pee outside. I’m exhausted, cold and frustrated. Tomorrow? I have to freaking do this again tomorrow? Son, you better is prepared to serve me blended filet minion after all my teeth fall out.
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We are searching for the mythical unicorn; that gloriously beautiful animal that is coveted by all and only seen in the briefest of fleeting moments. I thought I saw 4 of them way off in the distance leaping across a field. Of course for all I know, they could have actually been skinny cows. I did hear mooing all day.
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5:00PM – I’m cold, exhausted and feeling dirty grimy gross. Fantasizing about a long hot shower makes me happy in my pants. Uh Oh. He’s looking determined? What does he want now? No more sitting still. No more silent stalking/walking. I’m done, I tell you, DONE. ** And that’s when he did it. SM walked up, wrapped his arms around me and gave me the softest most delicate kiss. Then he said “You look beautiful in Blaze Orange.”
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Welcome to Gun-Deer Season in Wisconsin.

2 comments:

MyHope said...

Sounds like, ummm, a great weekend? Sorry I had to miss it! And you look beautiful in anything...

Stacie said...

oh you are WAY more supportive than I would be...

my idea of support would have been a hot cup of coffee when they returned.