Monday, August 11, 2008

Heaven is like an onion

Anonymous said...
Every post you make takes you one step closer to hell. Stop this blog and repent.Also, I think you are a liar. You wouldn't try to kill your son with a stick. The truth will set you free.

Dear Anonymous Asshat,
I am not a liar. I told the truth about SM cooking for me. In fact, I probably haven't actually cooked for him since our 3rd date. Either he loves me and spoils me or he is afraid my cooking will poison him. Both are quite possible.

You are right though, I didn't try to kill Thing2 with a stick. That is just plain silliness. I had SM's big hand gun that shoots flames out the end while Thing2 was waving a stick around trying not to do his BoyAsTheBurningBush imitation.*

Besides, doesn't Heaven have layers or something, you know, like ogres? Surely I still qualify for the dried up crusty outside layer.

* Truth - SM has a big hand gun that shoots flames out the end if you watch it in the dark.
* Nontruth - I didn't have the flame throwing gun, Thing2 did. He did give me the stick just to make it sporting though, or perhaps it was just kindling.

Respectfully (nontruth),

** Disclaimer **
While this blog is based on fact, I do embellish and exaggerate for comedic effect. If you are looking for pure truth on the internet, please go set yourself on fire with a gun that shoots flames out the end.



Don Mills Diva said...

Meet you in the dried up crusty layer!

Kwach said...

Dear Ms Pants:

There's a surprise for you over at Nowhere,IL ... stop by and pick it up!

: )

MyHope said...

Like a parfait?

Loving your blog! said...

Can you at least wake up in the morning and make waffles?

Blade said...

Man.. why don't I get random crazy people commenting on my blog? There is nothing I like more than mocking randon anonymous people!

Renaissance Woman said...

Amen...I love your response to Random blogger.

RC said...

All my random crazies try to sell me drugs, insurance or ways to gamble. How boring.

I'm jealous.

Stacie said...

I say CHEERS to that!

Good N Crazy said...

ha! and hi! haven't seen you for a while and thought I'd catch up?

sheesh, what's blogging without a little embellishing...okay sometimes full out lying??!

And I swear, cross my heart, I do not think turkeys make you gay?! I don't!

I sort of came over here on a mission, not the religious kind though, sorry. I keep thinking I need to see if you are interested in a writing gig? I have two suggestions---no of course they do not pay, sorry.

Ta, Ta

SP said...

Thank you for all the support folks. I get a random nasty email from time to time but this was my first nasty comment. Somehow, I feel validated by it.