Thursday, January 17, 2008

Are you sure you're not a chick?

OK, whether women admit it or not, we are all aware that there are some women who should have “NeedyFreak” tattooed on their foreheads. Have you seen How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days? If not, run, don’t walk, straight to the movie store and get it. It is a total chick flick that will have men laughing too. It’s a relationship train wreck with a happy ending, plus it’s got Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson. Can you say HOT!!! I’d say hot but I’m too busy licking the screen. Doh, I was talking about something wasn’t I? Fine, back on topic. In this movie, Kate’s character does all the freaky scary things some women do to freak out a man and perpetuate the “WomenAreApeShitCrazy” stereotype. Yes, women around the world already know that “WomenAreApeShitCrazy.” It is a fact. However, most of us have managed to contain that crazy to the high speed neurons whizzing through our heads rather than letting it fly out our mouth and splat on the nearest man (or woman, I’m beginning to understand). Not so with this movie (again, go watch it!) and not so with my date.

We’d been emailing and talking on the phone for a couple of weeks. I was really in no hurry to meet this guy and I couldn’t quite put my finger on why. His picture was adorable. Totally my type of man. Well groomed facial hair. Gorgeous smile. Broad shoulders and muscles. Big hands. Yummm… He was funny and engaging on the phone. But for some reason he struck me as a bit immature. (Yes, pot – kettle, I know I know. Now shut up. This is my story) Yet, when he finally asked me out I couldn’t stop the “Sure I’d love to” from oozing out of my face. So I rationalized. We had some mutual friends. Granted, I wouldn’t really call these people "friends." They were more aquantances that I chose not to be aquainted with any more. I’m not sure our ideas of “date material” would mesh but they did say we would have a lot of fun. They told him loads about me and now I realize why he was a bit anxious. According to them I was a cross between the beauty of Julia Stiles and the selfless godliness of Mother Theresa. To that I say: “Giggle-Snort-FallOnFloorCan’tBreatheFromLaughing-Snort.”

The football game we went to watch was outstanding! The appetizer was good and the drinks were flowing. We laughed and joked while watching the game but he kept saying the weirdest things:

* Do you like me?
* Am I cuter than my pictures?
* You’re going to go out with me again, right?
* How do I compare to the other guys you’ve dated?
* Am I number 1? 2?
* I really like you.
* No really, I mean it. I really like you.
* I hope you like me.

Finally after asking me if I liked him for the 22nd time, I said I just wasn’t going to answer that question again. The truth was that I did like him until he got all needy on me. That made him moody. After the game we drove over to a dive bar to shoot some pool. He would not talk to me the whole way there. When we finally pulled up he gave me this pouty look and asked again. So I lied. I said, “Sure I like you but you have to stop asking. You’re embarrassing me by making me say it.” I am a complete coward. This is what I have discovered. Anyway, we played one really quick game of pool in which I might have cheated just to hurry the damn thing up already!

When he took me to my car it was snowing like a motherfacker. He sat in his truck with the window down watching me scrape the snow off my windows. Then he expected me to give him a kiss – through the window while he was still sitting in his heated car and my hands were covered in snow. BASTARD! At that point I had had enough. I flicked the snow off my gloves into his puckered up face (not really but in my head I did), got in my car and drove away.

He sent me all of these text messages within 4 hours of our date ending:
* Be careful driving home
* I had a great time and I hope u did too
* I hope u want 2c me again
* I hope we can get together again
* U were everything “Guy” and “Girl” said u were
* Told “Daughter” all about you
* Told “Daughter” I really like u
* I really really like you.
* Did I do or say something stupid? Gee I hope not because I really did enjoy being with u

HolyHairyHell… Did I have a stalker on my hands?
The good new is that I can now answer that question with a definitive NO. Great big brave woman that I am, I emailed him to say that I wasn’t interested. He emailed me back saying he was sad and he liked me and blah blah blah liked me but he wished me luck in life. And that was that.
Should I have checked for a hidden mangina?


Mama Drama Jenny, the Bloggess said...

So...then I'm number one, then...right?

Because I like you.

I mean really, like like you.

Do you like me? Just nod if so. I'm watching you from outside your window.

PS. Your popcorn is going to burn if you don't take it out of the microwave.

SP said...

*nod Nod NOD!!!*