Monday, December 31, 2007

Random Thoughts...

First a disclaimer: It can be quite the scary place inside my head. The random thoughts and crazy ideas, the wild opinions and VIVID mental pictures; these things might not be suited for the young, stuffy and uptight. If you have a weak heart, please don’t ride this ride.

  • Why oh why is your poo “weird” after a night of drinking a bit too much?
  • Girls are bitchy and boys are icky. Why do I find both so wildly attractive?
  • The wet spot, must it always be on my side of the bed?
  • My dear friend SalsaM is moving to Canada so he can marry his boyfriend. WTF Mr. BUSH?!?!?!?
  • The accountant-man has been told that he can no longer take communion at his church because he mentioned that he has a date with a certain Sassy blond. (Is it me or just his bizzaro church? Am I the hot version of the anti-christ?)
  • Little black dresses with peep-toe heels don’t go with snow covered parking lots. (But someone who is willing to warm up my toes makes it all worth while.)
  • She said “Hotter than a whip cream covered wino smelling of day old sex and cheap scotch” – Holy Balls, that one is gonna give me nightmares for months!
  • The hottest thing I’ve seen recently: John Travolta’s ass shimmying on a dance floor while wearing a woman’s fat suit. (Anyone else seen the new Hairspray movie and wondered about Mr. Travolta’s impossibly fabulous dance moves? I’m drooling, and obviously completely deranged!)
  • Fondue restaurants are like sex for your stomach
  • Two dates in one weekend has turned me into a “tramp” according to my mother – who then demanded all the juicy details.
  • I miss my boys. My house is too quiet and still clean from 2 weeks ago. If it weren’t for the wet puppy prints all over my floors I might have gone crazy.
  • Even if you get your figure back after children, how the hell do you get the stretch marks to go away? A roadmap of Los Angeles across my abdomen (no matter how flat... ok ok no matter how not totally lumpy) is NOT hot.
  • Schwann’s Mexican style pizza is the best frozen pizza I have ever had.
  • Is it wrong to hate the skinny spandex clad bitches jogging down my street while I watch them from my couch while eating a pint of Chunky Monkey? Nope – I didn’t think so either.
  • My fish is bent.

Happy New Year to all my internet lovers! I’m off to steal the souls of unsuspecting men and dance until dawn.

3 comments:

rudecactus said...

That last one has me really confused. Is it a euphamism for something or are we talking about a quite real, literal fish?

Happy 2008!!

Deb said...

It's not scary in your head at all! Very fun and shiny! I too was in a perplexed swoon over JT. I want to first do him as a fat woman, then peel that layer off and get at the man underneath. He moved that badonkadonk butt, he did!

The wet spot, it's worth it if you made it.

Steph said...

tramp.