Inside my head

I've been bumping around inside my head a lot lately. It's the man thing. I've tried something I've never really tried before: I have been dating two great guys. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking Never done before? Sassy, your Pants are full of shit! And yes, I've done lots of multitasking in the first and second date category but never longer than that. I'd narrow down my suitors to one who suited me and be off and running. This time, I was determined, would be different. While I knew the first time I met him which one I would most likely choose, I have been in no hurry to commit \ be exclusive \ get serious put all my eggs in one basket - especially when both baskets are so different and fun. So I've been telling myself, Sassy, every man bitches because women get serious too fast. It doesn't have to MEAN anything. Just sit back and enjoy the attention and see where things fall. And since I happen to think I'm pretty smart. I listened to myself and did exactly that.

The problem, and OF COURSE there's a problem, is that I do actually like both these men. Even though I'm not swooning over one of them, doesn't mean I want to hurt either of them. And the longer I wait the more it will hurt. I don't know how people do it - this multi-dating thing. So complicated and littered with land-mines. How much longer can I pull this off without going from FunAndEasyDating to TwoTimingUserBitch? I was wondering exactly that yesterday as I drove myself and my fabulous new bike over to his place. I had my answer soon enough.

The Answer Is: It's not actually about them.
bwahahahaha! It's never really about them, right ladies?
To be fair, from their perspective, it's never really about us - although I find it much harder to wrap my head around that one. Not about us? That's like bizzaro world meets upside down universe.
Ahem. OK, so back to my philospherizing - or just me and my crazy - As fun as it has been it also hasn't been fun. That makes no sense. I know it. But it's all I've got. I don't want several suitors. I want one person who takes the time to really know me, and likes what he sees.

This revelation smacked me upside the head when I realized that his destination for our little bike ride was a brand new public library. A library! With lots of book smelling books! And a fireplace room with giant windows overlooking a pond and a prairie! We each picked a book, curled up together on the couch in front of those windows and read for awhile. In that moment, I was a puddle of mushy girly mush over this man. This is not what most of you would consider a swoon-worthy date, but for me it was perfect, and all the more perfect because he knew me enough to know it would be perfect.

When we got back, there was wine. He played guitar for me on the patio under the moonlight. When he plays, he gets lost in it. I'm pretty sure he forgot I was even there for a while - which is how I got away with drinking his glass of wine too! - and I didn't mind one bit.