Work has been hell. HELL!
When I was hired 2 years ago, my small, overworked and understaffed non-profit program consisted of 4 full-time people. As of this morning we are 2 full time people. I love my job. I BELIEVE in what this program does. It's something I feel incredibly passionate about. I'm also very very grateful to even have a job considering the job market. Considering the financial crunch everywhere, which is in fact why we are now down to only 2 people.
However, the stress level has risen to a near breaking point some days. I'm sleeping too much. I'm pulling back from some relationships that I just don't have the energy to maintain right now. I'm exhausted. Exhausted because I refuse to let anything fall or fail at work even though we are half the staff we used to be and we weren't enough even then. I love this job and I need this job.
The count down had begun for Ex to move out. Neither one of us is ready financially so we are taking a bit more time. But I want him out. He wants out. It's not bad; we still get along awesome. It's just time. But we're not ready.
So I'm stressed and feeling the uncomfortable scratchiness of depression creeping in. I've constantly got a lump in my throat the size of Oklahoma and it all boils down to this: