Thursday, August 20, 2009

GrandFather

The entire time that everything was happening with Shimmy, the Things were in AZ with Ex's parents. They go for a couple of weeks every summer. While I am glad that they were not here during my emotional drama with Shimmy when things finally started to settle down, I was definitely ready to have my boys back. But alas it was not to be.

Ex got a phone call from his family saying that GrandFather had a heart attack while driving and was in the hospital. Things happened pretty quickly from there. The Things plane tickets were changed so they would fly to New York instead of home. Ex, his brother and sister-in-law made plans to drive out as well. All the while I was left here with my thoughts and my grief. I could have gone out for the funeral. I had the time to take from work. But I couldn't bring myself to intrude on that family time. I knew that Ex's girlfriend wanted to go too. She wanted to be there to support him. How crappy would it have been for me to go instead. I know I've mentioned before I close I am with Ex's family. MyHope is Ex's sister and so near and dear to my heart that I can't even put it into words. But I love them all and we are all still close. They would not have made me feel out of place in the slightest. I would have done that to myself. Boundaries. It's something I have been thinking about a lot lately. Ex is one of my very best friends. His family is still my family. However, we are divorced and I need to find a way to be a gracious exwife and not wiggle myself into family situations where it's just not appropriate. I think I made the right decision despite that fact that I wish I had gone. GrandFather was a wonderful man who I cherished. Even when Ex and I had our rocky start with his family, GrandFather decided right from the get go that he adored me. I'm not sure why but it always made me feel incredibly special. I loved that man, despite or even more likely because of his many flaws idiosyncrasies.

So, as I recuperated from the emotional upheaval of my very special Shimmy going through a trauma that broke my heart, I nursed another ache. An ache of losing a man who meant so much to me. Never again will I get a phone call on my birthday singing to me. Never again will I get his sweet letters telling me to be well, filling my life with family, love and respect. Never again will I be able to bring him a root beer and be greeted by his wonderfully tender smile.
It was a very lonely several days.

2 comments:

For The Love Of Moo!!! said...

this post brought me back to tears again....Grandfather was an amazing man, we are so blessed to have had him in our lives.

Stacie's Madness said...

i am so sorry to hear about this loss