Saturday, January 17, 2009

Same old struggle... new insight?

I've asked this question before.
Should I stop worrying so much about my blog anonimity?

I like the freedom of being able to say whatever the hell I want to say here. There are all of 7 people who know me in real life that read this blog. One of them only reads it every 6 months or so.

When I started this place I was doing some growing and changing. As dumb and cliche as it sounds, I was sort of figuring out who I am. Now, I've always been a pretty well grounded person with a deep need to be self-aware (Hello, therapy much?). But we all grow and change based on our experiences and I was processing some pretty huge experiences. So, not only was I having to look at myself and say "Whelp, what does that mean for who I am and where I'm going?" and then I had to become comfortable with those discoveries. My family and ExFamily relationships, friends, career, children, my sexuality even... it's been a fun/scary/wild ride that isn't over yet (I'm not dead... I think I'll go for a walk now). What has changed since I began this journey is that I'm not so worried about what people will think about what I've written. It's all me in my Sassy glory. I don't think the attitudes and funky perspectives are going to be a shock to anyone who actually knows me. There are a few things that might be a surprise but in truth, if friends/family members can't get past some of my personal struggles and see that I'm still me, then they can just Step-Off!

A certain amount of anonimity is needed just to be safe on the web. I'm not stupid. But, my kids are well aware that I have this place. They see me posting often enough. And recently they mentioned my humble little blog in front of an ExFamily member. I know she felt hurt that I haven't shared this place with her. I didn't mean to hurt her. She would probably be shocked by some of my posts but not in a bad way. But if I have her over for drinks at Chez Sassy, will that be the first step in inviting everyone to be house guests? What if ExMom discovers me? I've thought about that a lot. I would blush from head to toe but it wouldn't be the end of the world. But what about future posts? Will I start to feel like I can't say what I want/need to say?

Does anyone else struggle with this or am I just completely and totally neurotic?

3 comments:

Stacie said...

YOU ARE NOT NUEROTIC...or maybe you are, but not about this...

I actually have a post similar to this in my que, haven't posted it yet...

A good friend admitted she reads my blog and I felt naked, for not reason...everything on my blog has been said to her, nothing is ABOUT her...yet I felt "exposed".

For a few days it does make me change my topics, but ultimately, I go right back to ME because...it's ME. If they (who ever they are) have an issue with ME then they are really friends...and if it is family members...TOUGH SHIT. :)

Renaissance Woman said...

I have had that thought many times. At times, I worry that what I blog about might be used against me in certain circles. Other times I don't care...I guess that is the constant struggle. It's nice to have a place were you can say what ever you want or need and there are no fears of judgement or consequences. But I also say embrace who you are...and trust the people you love.

Rachel said...

Nah babe, it's not just you.