Wednesday, October 22, 2008


Have you heard that song? Click Click Boom by Saliva? Sounds nasty, I know. But it's got a good sound. Despite the mouth germy music recommendation, that is not actually what I'm here for today. I'm here because I need to talk to you. No, this isn't one of those "we need to talk" conversations where you start to worry that I'm about to break-up with you. I'm not. I love you. I'm still hoping you get me that cyber-promise-ring for Christmas this year. I just need to vomit some thoughts out and y'all are the best listeners I know.

You see, I was laid off back in June. It took me just over 3 months to find another job. That was a long dark scary time for me. I started my new job last week and I have to tell you that I've been stressed and scared. I'm on a 6 month probation as is standard for state employment. Which means that any time in the next 6 months if I don't perform my job well or I wear a color that doesn't flatter my face or I stink a little bit of the Indian food I had for lunch, my boss can say "Buh Bye." Now, Wisconsin is a Right to Work state which means that any of my previous employers could have done the same thing to some extent at any point during my time with them. But somehow, this official probation has my tummy twisted. I have a huge learning curve to over come here. I have never worked for a state agency and all the red-tape proceedure crap is making me ape-shit crazy. Add to that months of back log on things due to a pyscho ex-employee and you've got one worked up Sassy. And yet, yesterday, with my boss out of the office for meetings all day, I had one of those moments. A moment of bright lights and a chorus singing. Everything just went CLICK. Well, probably not everything, but lots of things. It was this huge relief. My mother and I carpool on the way home each day and I was trying to explain to her the feeling: I get it. I can get it. I'm going to be ok and this probation thing is just standard. Do my job and all is good. I am good. Life is good.

When I got home the Things and I had dinner; we played Snatch (no, not that. don't be dirty) and then some psychotic Jungle Speed. We crashed some cars and ate some cookie dough. We cuddled and giggled and even had a tickle fight like we used to do when they were little things. It was awesome. I had this overwhelming feeling of relief again. I had been concerned about getting home later every day and keeping up with the Things. How would we stay connected? And as we were goofing around while doing dishes everything just sort of went CLICK. Love all over my kids and things are good. I am good. Life is good.

As I was settling down with a glass of wine later in the evening things went BOOM!! I got a text from a very dear friend of mine. She works for the state and is 4 months into her 6 month probation. She is being laid off. Less than an hour later I found out that another friend (who was laid off almost exactly the same time as me) was just laid off again. She started her new job 3 weeks ago!

I went to sleep trying to play that mantra over and over in my head: All is good. I am good. Life is good. Those kinds of thoughts are typically pretty natural for me. I'm a glass-almost-full kind of gal, which is even more than half full, duh. I naturally turn my face towards the sunshine and I'm inclined to try and see the best and positive in every person/situation. But last night those thoughts kept getting strangled out by others. All is NOT good. I am good for now but what's going to happen 2 weeks or 4 months from now? Life might just go very very bad and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.

But there is something I can do about it. I don't think there is anyone who can argue with me that our world, our society, our little circles have turned upside down in a big bad way. We are not as safe as we used to be. Physically safe, financially safe, emotionally safe... I don't believe there is a magic wand out there that will fix these things. However, I think there are decisions that can be made that will start a process. I believe there are choices that can be made that will initiate change. I believe we can all hear it. We can all feel it. We can all experience that CLICK.

Please vote next week. The race isn't decided yet no matter what any poll says. Your vote does matter. I'm afraid of the BOOM. It's happened to me already. I haven't even fully recovered and it could happen again at any time. I'm not going to tell you who to vote for because honestly, I don't think I could change your mind. I'm not sure I should change anyone's mind. Go with your gut. Go with what feels right. Vote for the one that makes you feel that CLICK.

For me, that CLICK will only come when things begin to CHANGE.


Stacie said...

I have no words, but I loved this post...thank you for that.

Bill said...

Well, I voted already (I love early voting), so my civic duty is complete. *laugh*

But since I live in Northern Virginia I guess I'm not a "real Virginian." I wonder what I am? And I live in a big city (the DC metro area) to boot, so I don't suppose I'm pro-America either. Dang. I wonder what country I should root for now?

MyHope said...

Mom would be happy with your decision! Bring on the CHANGE!

Blade said...

Surprised you know the song by Saliva. Its great though and if you want other suggestions by them.. let me know. :P That always got classified as 'angry music' which you didn't want to hear.

Its a scary time all around. I feel for the two you mentioned. They are talking about layoffs where I work as well. There doesn't seem to be any really safe ares at the moment.

I don't know if either candidate has all the answers, but I hope something changes and changes fast before we hit bottom on this downward spiral.