Happy Friday... I mean Wednesday.

I consider it a great personal victory that I have cut back on my blog addiction in order to focus more at work. In all seriousness (that will only last for the remainder of this paragraph, I promise), it was a problem for a while. I would get so caught up in posting and reading that I wouldn't actually begin working until I had been in the office for an hour or two. Is there anyone else out there who has had that problem too? We should form a recovery group. And blog about it!

But for today I'm willing to let it be a problem. Why am I falling off the wagon and giving in to my blog addiction on this frigid Wednesday morning? I'm so glad you asked. I'm giving in and putting out for all my interweb lovers because I cannot get my head to focus on work to save my life. You see, tomorrow I am flying off to the Valley of the Sun (and to one of the bestest girlies ever) where we will pack up and drive our hot little asses all the way to Vegas for some much needed girl time. Four fabulous women are going to forget children, spouses and responsibilities for 3 days and take Sin City for a spin. Considering the crash and burn that is my love life at the moment, a long weekend with the ladies is exactly what I need!

I finally told Roo it wasn't working. He was pissed. Sadly I don't think I'll have anyone calling me Poopy ever again. AND I gave up all my easy dick reference dating material. *sigh* The things we women sacrifice in order to find true love.

Speaking of what we do for love. Or maybe it's what we won't do for love. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned before that when it comes to dating I'm a total train wreck. And if I haven't actually said it you all must have figured it out on your own. My stories are funny but there has to be something completely out of whack with me if I keep attracting these guys. Currently my man line-up consists of a slew of men that I don't want. Nice huh?

ThisOneGuy and I dated way back in March. It didn't work. While he is a great guy, he is also possessive and a little bit angry. Not in a scary, he might hit me way, but in a "I can find something to bitch about in a room filled with puppies shooting rainbows out their asses" kind of way. And that just rubbed my inner Pollyanna the wrong way. However, in 10 months, he has never actually given up. We are friends but he regularly admits that he still wants more. Every once in a while he'll push for something and it gets all weird. After not talking for a few weeks we reconnect and act like nothing ever happened. We're currently not talking. That's totally healthy and normal, right?

Guy3 (I'm recycling names here... good lord maybe it's time I find that nunnery with a whiskey bar and progressive masturbation policies and just give up!) is a bad kisser. No. No that is not even fair to the many men I have had chew on, slurp all over and in general molest my face over the years. This guy should be required to wear a sign or a tattoo on his forehead that says "Warning TERRIBLE Kisser. Proceed at your own risk." Why the forced branding? Because he kisses like a fish. Like a dead fish. He just sticks his tongue in your mouth and lets it lie there like a not quite cold yet dead fish. Flop. TMI, I know. But limp tongue is a horror that must be shared.

LawnBoy still won't give up. And to be honest, this is the one I struggle with the most. There is absolutely NO SPARK. But outside of that he has everything else. I think I brought this up once before. Just to give you an example of how very great he is and how very fucked up I am: He planned a surprise for me. About 3 weeks ago he said he wanted to do something with me on a specific date. That was all I knew. As time went by I got just enough information out of him to get me dressed appropriately and out the door on time. He was going to pick me up at 5 o'clock for dinner. He would be wearing a tie. A classy rather than flashy little black dress was probably most appropriate. This is what happened: He took me to a wonderful Italian restaurant that overlooked the lake. He took off his coat and wrapped it around me when I got cold (it was 14 degrees last night). He took me to see Rent. Yes, RENT! I've been doing the happy dance for about 19 hours straight now. He held my hand while I cried when Angel died. It was the perfect big gesture date. Except that it was with a guy I'm not into. I feel like I'm shallow; One of those women men always bitch about because they don't want the "nice guy." I don't want to be that person. But I also don't want to date someone when there is no chemistry. The whole situation just sucks sweaty donkey balls.

AnotherGuy: I don't know what I think about this one yet...

And THAT is what I am running away from right now. Bring on the Girls Weekend!
sex

Wordless Wedensday

You can tell a lot about a man by looking at his hands...

Pure Awesome!

Enough Said...

Befuddled

Leave it to Stacie to get my lazy ass back over here to write... something. And no honey, he didn't actually poop on me. It was... *sigh* I really don't know how to explain it. It was a whole bunch of little things that added up to one big thing I couldn't put a name to. In short, he's a man. Here's the thing; I will put up with a certain amount of man "crap" if I'm into a guy. In fact, I think that any woman, if she is really into a man, will rationalize or explain away an entire truckload of man crap (to her benefit or detriment, depending on the circumstances). The problem with Roo was that I didn't think I was into him enough to put in the effort to get past the crap. Of course, as soon as I open my big cyber mouth and post that he surprised me and got all cute and romantic. So, I'm not really sure what I'm doing here other than just hanging out and waiting to see what happens next.
* Funny side note, an old army buddy posted something on his Facebook page and called him Rooster! I'm dying to know the story behind that nickname.

LawnBoy... remember him? Yes, he's still around and really quite handy thank you very much. We've been hanging out -Just as friends- and there's been no pressure. But I keep asking myself why I can't get into this guy. What the hell is wrong with me? He's cute. He's funny and a hard worker. He's dependable and honest. He's a smart ass who doesn't hesitate to give me crap. He has a twisted sense of humor just like mine. He actually does things to take care of me. He treats me like a queen. I've never really given this a shot and part of me feels like I should because what if I'm throwing away something amazing...

So here are my questions:

1. Is chemistry something that can develop over time?
2. Is it OK to not have a clue what the hell I want from a relationship I'm actually in?

Chime in people, my future love life and the juicey-ness of my posts may depend on your answers.

So I'm A Liar

Well at this point you are well aware that I lied to you. I did not actually get a post up before the New Year. I had every intention of doing it. I sound like a man don't I? "I meant to call you, baby. Really I did. I just got so busy. You forgive me right? Come over here and let me nibble on that spot along your neck that you like so much."

So I promised you two stories.

I met Ex's girlfriend. I think I'll call her Exette. That way it's interchangeable. If he leaves this one and moves on to another I don't have to change the name. However, I do think this one might actually be around for the long haul. And not that I get a vote or anything but I'm ok with that. She is smart and funny and feisty. When we need to be around each other, her and I will get along just fine. We met at a bar on a work night planning to play nice-nice for Ex's sake and have a beer or two. But I think we were both surprised that we actually hit it off. 4 hours and a whole lot of Spotted Cow later... It was a good time and we both had the hangover the next morning to prove it. Verdict- I like her.

As for Roo, the poopy story doesn't seem as funny anymore. The long and the short of it was that we were joking around about what our deal breakers are in bed. For me it's pain to the point of drawing blood, peeing and pooping on each other. (Oh and the whole pet/peanutbutter thing. What the hell is wrong with some people????) I just won't go there. But when I told him that he freaked out a little bit. He got really quiet and distant. He was upset that I would never be willing to let him poop on me!!!!! And that had me freaked out.
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About 5 minutes later he let me off the hook. He was joking. But oh lordy, I believed him! So for a thousand seconds that each lasted 4 years each, I honestly thought he was into that. Then it was hilarious. So hilarious that he decided my nickname should be Poopy. I finally got him to stop that but he still busts it out from time to time. And when he does he gets the most adorable mischievous smile on his face.

HOWEVER, and this has absolutely nothing to do with all of that...

I think I'm going to have to break up with him.