Baby Jesus Abducted.. Cow a suspect

Where in the World is Little Baby Jesus - 2008



And to get you in the mood:

Holy Hell these guys are so gay! Even if they are not gay, they should consider it. That is how much awesome they are putting off in this video. LOTS of AWESOME!
.
Anyway, you might remember that last year, baby Jesus was found Chillin' In The Freezer.



This year:





He stopped off for a Cup'a'Jo.





Before turning up in my stocking.

In fact, the entire stable disappeared this year. The cow is still missing but we had ham for Christmas, I swear!

Thank God It's Monday - A Christmas Update from Sassy

I've been off since last Tuesday. It was a wonderful Christmas. My house was full of people and love. There was nothing I wanted more (except for maybe a puppy).


Then I had 3 days after Christmas to enjoy - - -


My long weekend was filled mainly with installing the flooring at my parents' house. Over 3 days I managed to install 29 thousand boxes of flooring, break 2 nails, hammer 16 fingers (some more than once, obviously), break the tapping block (although I wasn't actually "tapping" so maybe that was my fault), remove a toilet, learn new swear words AND break a hammer (yes, I actually broke my dad's big manly hammer. Again, wasn't tapping damnit!). All that and the floor isn't totally done yet. There's only about 4 feet of flooring left to do but we don't want to put that in until the toilet is fixed and definitely not leaking. In addition to that I took all my decorations down except for the outside lights, cleaned the house, drove the Things all over town, made Black Eyed Susans (chocolate covered peanutbutter balls), mended 3 pieces of clothing, and learned how to mangle images in Photoshop. Thank goodness I am back at work this morning so I can actually relax!


Bring on New Years so I can get drunk, puke and have a headache!


Gee I love the holidays.



I hope y'all are enjoying this holiday season.
Meet me under the mistletoe and let's smooch!

My Christmas Gift to You

Because who doesn't need a hooded thong?

Merry Christmas my interweb loverlies.

tap tap tap... excuse me

I've learned many a lesson from my 13 years of marriage to Ex. Whether it's to his benefit or not, SM is reaping the effects of this knowlege and resulting behavior modifications.
Thus:

Dear SM,
Ummm, hello, I'm not just gonna lie here and pretend that didn't just happen. What the hell made you think that I'm content to get you off but would prefer to not get a happy ending myself?Seriously, what did I do? I want to make sure that I never do it again. And NO I don't want it NOW, not after I've just called you out for being selfish/clueless. Duh- Mood killer. And YES, you so owe me!

Love and Kisses,
Sassy

Saints and Cock Suckers

I'm snowed in. Again. This is my second snow day this season. The second time my boss actually said to me, "DO NOT drive in. Try and work from home and just relax."
So far this morning (it's 10:00am here) I have:

• Drank? Drunk? Drinked?- Slurped 12 cups of coffee with gingerbread creamer
• Stuffed, licked and stamped 126 Christmas cards
• Formatted and edited a 19 page meeting report
• Talked to 9 different agencies in Washington DC
• Balanced my check book
• Answered Eleventy million emails

And all of this while still in my jammies.
I'm being productive while braless people. It is awesome!

Working for the University has been like moving to another country. But, my boss has been the best guide through the tangled institutional web. In fact, I'm completely infatuated with her. Not in the "woohoo, let's bump uglies" kind of way but in the "OMG, can I be just like you when I grow up?" kind of way.
She is kind, compassionate, intelligent, insightful, passionate, generous, diligent, and and and... (Breathe Sassy breathe) Seriously, she has done so much to initiate change and actually make a difference in non-profit groups and smaller communities across the state. She is an amazing person. And yeah, I know she's still human and definitely not perfect. But that gets me even more jazzed. She doesn't act all snooty. She messes up and makes mistakes and laughs at herself. She is my Virgin Mary. And I just want to touch her robes.
A Saint.

Did you read my title? I'm the other one. Yeah, I'm good at what I do. But it's not all that earth shaking. I don't change lives with my motivational speeches (although public speaking totally makes me wet) (Can turn something altruistic into something dirty = cock sucker), I don't speak with legislaters about the future of our small communities, I don't have a hand in significantly changing the viability of non-profit groups across the state. I manage details. I make plans. I coordinate people. I negotiate and nudge. I badger and even browbeat when necessary. In essence I herd chickens and that ain't no easy task folks. But fairy dust doesn't sprinkle from my fingers and sunshine doesn't burst from my ass. Nothing fancy here. Just another grunt like you.

BUT...
I learned a few things about what my boss actually thinks about me at my office holiday party this week. I heard words like; "committed, passionate, effective, dependable, genuine, diligent, intelligent, compassionate, insightful" (I was taking notes). There was even something along the lines of "couldn't do my job without her."

Thus:
Every Saint Needs a Good Cock Sucker
It's What Makes the World Go Round

Wordless Wednesday

It's been 8 weeks

Eight weeks and no cigarettes.
Not even one.
Eight weeks and no weight gain.
For that I thank the long walk to work.
Eight weeks of wanting nothing but a cigarette or an entire pan of brownies.

I'm proud of myself. This is without a doubt one of the hardest things I have ever done.

I should not be allowed out of my house, near a TV or a computer.

Since losing my little Funny Face, I've sort of been on estrogen overload. I ooo and cooo and gush over babies -even ones I'm only seeing in a commercial. I cry when I see people walking their dogs down the street. I smother the triplets with hugs and kisses (SMOTHER -- and they like it damn it, because I told them they have to like it -- I'd smother the Things but they are with Ex and they fight back harder). I Google pet shelters and french kiss the Petsmart circular. I drool over Christmas ads for baby clothes and toys. I almost bought a stocking for a dog/baby that I DON'T HAVE!!!

I'm thinking that if I can get someone to promise me it will be a girl that I should have another baby. Or get a dog. Or something. OMG, I need something before my ovaries explode!

Frozen Sassy, It's what's for dinner

It took me 2.5 hours to clear all the snow off my driveway last night. I'm still defrosting.

Stay warm!

More Awesome-er Than Yesterday

Yesterday, someone told me "It takes an hour to fall head over heels completely in love with a pug. It takes a lifetime to get over losing one."

I believe them. I've been told by so many people that they don't like pugs. They'd meet Zoey and think she was funny looking or ugly and definitely fat. They just didn't "get it." But, give them a short amount of time with her, really watching her or interacting with her and they changed their minds. She'd steal their heart and they were glad for it.

I miss her so much.

AWESOME

I found this over at Thumper's house. Go visit her and say hi.

She is even more awesome-er than this cup.

I found this in my mailbox today:






Have they even read my blog?

Which took me here:





I'm a baby killing, black loving, religiously ambiguous fag hag socialist who really really likes sex.
What the hell are they thinking?


And then I saw this:


Hmmm, maybe they aren't so bad after all.
Do you think the NetRightNation will still let me have multiple orgasms or is that against the rules?

Today we cry

I hand picked you from a pile of squirming cuties.

You were perfect with your baby soft fur and your silly crossed eyes.

You fit in the palm of my hand and I could not wait for you to come home.

Our home. YOUR home.

You would cuddle up under the covers and snuggle so close.

You loved to lounge on the couch and curl up in my lap.

You loved everyone but most of all you were Momma's girl.

You were my sweet baby girl. My Zoe Butt. My Princess.

Jan 10, 2006 - Nov 30, 2008

I love you Funny Face.