Tuesday, May 13, 2008

tush, butt, anus, glutio...

MyMomma and Ex’s Momma – I’m toying around with calling her ExMom. It sort of sounds like a super hero name doesn’t it? – are fantastic women. Not only do I love them with all my heart but I also Like – Respect – Admire – Enjoy them. These two women are smart and fun and funny…
Did I mention that they are funny? Well maybe I didn’t fully explain the grandness of their funny. They Crack My Shit Up!

MyMomma isn’t a big user of profanity but I’m not shocked when some Shits or Damns come out of her mouth. Fuck A Duck usually makes me do a double take and giggle but only because hello, fuck a duck? Can you imagine the squawking? And the logistics, not to mention the feathery mess? (Sorry Ev and Kwach, I don’t have a duck fetish, I swear) Still, these words aren’t overly common from her. She does have a favorite though. Bugger MyMomma who is fun and smart and sassy (I had to get it from somewhere) but sometimes more than a little bit oblivious will bust out with a great big BUGGER ME in the middle of the grocery store or in the parking lot at church which of course makes me laugh. For the record, I think it makes God laugh too. For the longest time she didn’t know what it meant and refused to let me tell her. A few years ago, she caved and made the Ex tell her. As he tried to get the words out through his wheezing gasps for air and laughter, MyMomma’s face got paler and paler. Then she insisted it was all lies. To this day she still says Bugger and now even my 12 year old collapses in laughter when she does it.

ExMom (Picture dramatic music and the tight superhero costume complete with a cape embroidered with teddy bears holding ABC blocks.) can be just as oblivious. One summer we were caravan-ing our way to California for a family vacation at The Land of Mouse. We had walkie talkies for directions, bathroom break communication and general silliness. At this point, the grandparents were driving with the Things while I was leading the way in a car with Ex, his sister and her husband. I think we had suggested a stop. We were working out the details when ExMom says I’ve got your back-door, bandit. As our car exploded in howls of laughter I could hear ExDad groan (instead of a cape he has lots and lots of tools. tools and beer. man I love ExDad). He had to tell her why we were laughing. Poor man. When we finally pulled into the gas station ExMom’s face was beat red and she would not talk to any of us. Not that I blame her, we were all still laughing like loons.


---- You know that Mother's Day video I posted? No? Then go back and watch it. I’ll wait.
… Done? Good. Ex posted that on his family blog. This morning he got an email from ExMomma.
What’s a MILF?
Would any of you like to explain it to her?

5 comments:

Steph said...

Sooo, this wasn't my clueless mom, but as we were driving through the mountains, passing a town called Beaver, she broke out into song. Peggy Lee's "Fever" to be exact. Try singing it while replacing all the fevers with beavers and not shooting the milk out of your nose.

SP said...

LOVE IT!!!

SexyMan lives in a town with Beaver in the name and every time I go there my inner 15 year old boy has to laugh. Now he's gonna sing!

Hope said...

She asked me to explain it to her. I told her to ask Dad. That was like when I had to explain what Snatch was and why I thought the name of the game was funny. *sigh*

SP said...

Passing the buck.

You tell her
No you tell her
No, YOU!

Anonymous said...

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